Dre Rivas March 17, 2011
As summer approaches, marketing departments work furiously to up their film’s profile. We like to think of studio marketing departments as slick-haired, mustache-twirling folk who will do or say anything to get in our wallets, but perhaps we should give them a break. When they try to sell Zookeeper as the “must-see comedy event of the summer”, they’re really just doing their job, right? It’s not their fault they’re stuck selling Kevin James. So I thought I’d be a pal and offer some assistance. Below are my proposed movie taglines for upcoming films, featuring a healthy dose of truth-in-advertising.
Like Due Date, only you’ll see it!
Final Destination 5
You keep seeing films like this, we’ll keep making them.
Kung Fu Panda 2
Guaranteed to be less grating than Kung Fu Panda 3!
Nothing like The Professional. Nope. No siree, Bob.
Even if you only saw the first one, you haven’t really missed anything plot-wise.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II
After this … Warner Bros. will be holding a bake sale.
X-Men: First Class
100 percent less Ratner!
Probably better than 8mm.
He’s got a hammer.
We’re running out of superheroes over here.
We are Pixar. You will see it. WE SAID YOU WILL SEE IT.
BUYER BEWARE: Michael Bay made this.
Yep, this is still happening.
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
We paid Johnny Depp a quadrillion million dollars.
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Dre writes for Film.com weekly.
Categories: No CategoriesTags: Fast five, Harry potter finale, Kung fuy panda 2, Summer movies