Here is a list of things that will NOT revolt you about Real Housewife of New Jersey Danielle Staub’s recent live musical performance of her single, “Real Close,” on a New York news program:

1.
2. See number 1.

A line of the chorus to her song asks “why am I so scared?” Well, trust us, Danielle. Your fright is nothing compared to the horror we felt watching this performance.

Even though Staub appears to be singing over the top of her own recorded voice, she can’t manage to make the words match up. Not to mention the sounds coming out of her mouth make Atlanta Housewife Kim Zolciak sound like Mariah Carey. So if you’re doing the math at home, that’s TWO versions of the same terrible voices coming at’cha.

Meanwhile, the back-up dancers, who look as though they were plucked from the reject tank at Jersey Shore auditions, don’t even seem to have much of a plan, other than prancing and preening on the tiny studio stage.

Danielle’s alleged lesbian lover Lori Michaels, who is actually a legitimate singer/songwriter and performs this song with her, must be desperate for press. Because that’s the only way she could not be humiliated to be a part of this whole mess.

“Real Close” was made for people who hate music.