Well, I did it. After predicting in a href="http://www.film.com/editorial/story/abcscavemenshouldgobacktogeicoads/1
6369692">previous article that ABC’s new sitcom href="http://abc.go.com/primetime/cavemen/index" target="_blank">Cavemen would be less-than-astounding television, I decided to watch the show and give it a chance.

I think I’m a little dumber because of it. Seriously, the show actually made my brain de-evolve.

The program is based on the Geico caveman ads featuring Cro-Magnons with sophisticated personalities living in modern day America, who are constantly offended by references about how dumb cavemen are.

The 30-second ads are funny. The 30-minute TV show is not. The show basically has one single joke, and it gets old real fast. Watching cavemen solving Sudoku puzzles, texting their friends, and ordering soy lattes is funny for about, oh say… 20 seconds. Then it loses its charm completely.

Beyond the joke, the plot is completely lame. One caveman is breaking up with his girlfriend, but can’t get over her. Another is dating a “sapien” (a normal person) and is ostracized by his friends. It’s all something you’d expect to find in a first season episode of Friends, except the characters are all cavemen.

On top of all that, the show tries to be a little preachy about racism. We see an interracial couple that doesn’t want to live in the same apartment building as the cavemen, and a woman who can’t tell one caveman from the other because she thinks they all look the same. Thanks ABC, but I don’t think the cavemen are the right choice to teach America lessons about diversity and tolerance.

To crib from William Shatner in Brad Paisley’s Celebrity video, I liked the end of the show. You know, the part where it ends and the show’s over? I loved that.

Until Carpoolers came on. ABC’s second Tuesday night sitcom wasn’t much better than its prehistoric predecessor.

Featuring Fred Gross, Faith Ford and Jerry O’Connell, it’s the story of four buddies who carpool to work every day. Most of the scenes and dialogue take place inside their car cruising in the diamond lane. It too is based on a single joke or premise, although at least there’s an effort to develop the characters and show us their families away from the actual carpool. Fred Gross and Faith Ford’s characters are having money trouble. Their son is a ne’er-do-well who’s always in his underpants. Jerry O’Connell is divorced and living in a furnitureless house. Still, it’s not enough, and a lead-in like Cavemen isn’t going to help.

I hope the execs at ABC are already thinking of a new plan for Tuesday nights. I would be. I don’t think it will be long before Carpoolers has a breakdown, and the Cavemen become extinct.

Ethan Morris: “Not always right, but never in doubt.” href="mailto:goaheadandwrite@gmail.com">Go ahead and write me.