Maisy Fernandez December 26, 2011
Listen, we know we’re not growing any brain cells watching as much reality TV as we do.
But we stick with it, because tuning in to our guiltiest pleasures each week always reaps a bounty of rewards: meltdowns, fist fights, questionable hygiene, scandal, butchering of the English language and other random water-cooler moments. Plus, reality TV also makes us appreciate the quality dramas we watch that much more, too.
Anyway, on the mayhem. Here are our picks for the Top 10 Memorable Reality TV Moments of 2011:
1. RIDICKULOUS BIRTHDAY PARTY
We admit: It takes a lot to offend us, which is probably how we stomach watching so much reality TV in the first place. But, by far, the most disgusting and unnecessary moment of 2011 involved a stripper on The Real Housewives of Atlanta named Ridickulous. Phaedra Parks thought the dancer would make a great gift for Kandi Burruss’ birthday party, even though the party was big and filled with people of all genders and ages were present.
When Ridickulous (obviously named for his ginormous man parts) swung his unit around like a lasso, that was one thing. But dipping his man parts in Kandi’s cocktail and pleasuring himself — both of which had to be described by the other ‘wives since Bravo couldn’t show it — was just too disgusting to handle.
2. KIM KARDASHIAN WEDDING/DIVORCE
Judging from the media frenzy that surrounded the engagement the nuptials of reality star Kim Kardashian, you’d think she was America’s answer to the Royal Family. When Kardashian wed NBA player Kris Humphries after less than a year of dating, the E! network kaptured all the preparations and nuptials for a two-hour special that would air in October.
However, just weeks after the lavish special aired and 72 days after the actual wedding, Kardashian filed for divorce and rumors began flying that the whole thing was a sham generated to make some kash. It also kaused a backlash against the Kardashian empire, prompting an online plea to E! to stop airing the family’s numerous reality programs.
The only thing that wasn’t shocking about this whole scenario? That more people than ever are watching Kourtney and Kim Take New York, presumably to gawk at the unraveling of a marriage made on money love.
It’s no secret that the mothers on Todders & Tiaras pretty much whore up their kids — sometimes children as young as 1 — in order to compete in beauty pageants. They plaster them with makeup and spray tans, make them wear fake dentures and (often) miniscule costumes that make them look like they belong on the cast of Bad Girls Club.
But one mother took it to the extreme when she dressed her 3-year-old daughter, Paisley, as the hooker version of Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman. Other scantily-clad kids at least have innocent pretend aliases, as cowgirls or cheerleaders or princesses. But to actually dress your toddler as a prostitute?
See you on Teen Mom in about 12 years, Paisley.
4. BABY CHRISTENING INSANITY
Nothing says “welcome to the world, little one,” quite like a huge, drunken melee during the reception for a baby christening. And although that type of spectacle is par for the course on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, the addition of Teresa’s Giudice’s brother and sister-in-law to the cast made for a whole new breed of arguments.
During an event to welcome Melissa and Joe Gorga’s new baby to the world, Joe Gorga and Joe Giudice — both fueled by alcohol and short tempers — started a screaming match that quickly escalated into a GROUP FIST FIGHT. Party guests were pulling small children away from the rumble, but in the mayhem, women were also knocked to the floor, as were some of Bravo’s cameras.
Welcome to Joisey, little Gino!
5. FEAR FACTOR RETURNS
Remember back in the day, when Fear Factor was pretty groundbreaking and hardcore? This show forced people to do things like walk tightropes suspended from sky scrapers, eat pig penises or lie in an enclosed box of cockroaches — all to win a little cash.
The gross-out program was canceled in 2006, but recently experienced a triumphant return to the airwaves — and we couldn’t have been more surprised. I mean, these days, folks do stuntman types of things on The Amazing Race and other competition shows. And truthfully, we’d probably rather consume animal innards than use the bathroom one time in the Jersey Shore house. So it’s nice to see Fear Factor still has a place in the world, even though, at this point, we feel like we really have seen it ALL.
6. CHEF LISA’S GROUNDBREAKING RECIPES
When it comes to seeing piles of random stuff and nastiness, not much on Hoarders stuns us anymore. However, one subject, Lisa, did more damage to her family than just piling them under mounds of crap for years on end.
She admitted that, as a response to her abusive husband’s control issues, she took our her frustration and rage in her cooking. Namely, she fed her family (including her young daughter) things like cookies made of meal worm bodies and raw chicken heart pie. One day, her daughter came home from school and wanted to fix something to eat, only to find a dead, dehydrated squirrel staring up at her from the butter dish.
Needless to say, her daughter moved out of the home as soon as she was old enough. And Lisa is now a chef for Fear Factor. (Just kidding about that last part.)
7. MAKS RULES THE WORLD
Nobody enjoys getting a bad review when on a competition show. But egomaniac Maks Chmerkovskiy went off on Dancing With the Stars judges when they dared critique a mediocre rumba by him and partner Hope Solo’s. Maks basically called judge Len Goodman an old coot, Carrie Ann Inaba scolded him for being disrespectful.
Maks then went backstage and declared “This is MY show! I helped make it what it is.” Um, if any pro dancer can claim the show as his own, it’s Derek Hough — who remains humble despite having won the Mirror Ball trophy three times, which is more than anyone else.
Put a shirt on and get over yourself, Maks.
8. NENE LEAKES VS. STAR JONES AND LATOYA JACKSON
Between The Real Housewives of Atlanta and The Celebrity Apprentice, NeNe Leakes dominated the first half of 2011 with her big personality and even bigger mouth. But when she brought her outlandish antics to Donald Trump’s show, even we were surprised at the vitriol she unleashed against fellow competitors Star Jones and LaToya Jackson, whom she called “punk-ass bitch” and “Casper the Ghost,” respectively, in different tirades. And those insults were tame, just the tip of the iceberg.
Then, after putting up ALL that fight with her teammates, she just walked off the show one day without saying a word.
Frankly, we expected more from her on a primetime network show in regards to civilized behavior and competitive spirit. Oh well. Bloop, bloop, bloop! On to the next one.
9. RUSSELL ARMSTRONG SUICIDE
While the actual event of Russell Armstrong’s suicide hasn’t yet played out on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, it was, no doubt one of the hugest stories about reality TV in 2011.
When the series kicked off its second season mere weeks after Taylor Armstrong’s hung himself, the opening scene featured a powwow with all the housewives, who circled the wagons to discuss his death. The whole thing was awkward, seemed completely forced and unnatural, and lasted about two minutes before the show started like nothing ever happened. Since then, every moment of the series that has featured Russell, the allegations of his abuse, Taylor’s breakdowns — all of it — have been both eerie and uncomfortable to watch.
We can’t help but watch the show the same way, knowing the final outcome. Witnessing a relationship unravel is one thing, but knowing someone is going to take their own lives is another.
10. MEATBALL MAKEOUT SESSION
After the four seasons of complete jackassery we’ve witnessed on Jersey Shore, there isn’t much left to the imagination. Nary an episode goes by where viewers aren’t treated to blurred out private parts, promiscuous sexual encounters, arrests or fist fights of epic proportions.
But when a day of heavy drinking led to an hours-long makeout session between Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Deena Cortese, even we were dumbfounded. The self-proclaimed meatballs kissed at the bar. They played tonsil hockey in the cab on the way home. Then they rolled around in the sheets together. Did we mention Deena wasn’t wearing any underwear that night?
It was a hot mess of bronzer, spandex, liquor — and as Jenni “J-Woww” Farley put it — “digesting each other’s tongues.” Of course, they remembered nothing of it the next morning.
We wish we would have had the foresight to down a fifth of Maker’s Mark before that episode, so that we, too, could repressed it from our memory.
Categories: TVTags: Celebrity apprentice, Dancing with the stars, Deena cortese, Fear factor, Hoarders, Jersey shore, Kim kardashian, Kourtney and kim take new york, Maks chmerkovskiy, Nene leakes, Real housewives of atlanta, Real housewives of beverly hills, Real housewives of new jersey, Reality tv 2011, Snooki, Taylor armstrong, Teresa giudice, Toddlers and tiaras