There's no escaping Lauren Conrad of The Hills, who appears to have achieved the baffling level of fame previously reserved for the famous-for-being-famous Paris Hilton. Like Paris, Lauren has wealthy parents, vapid friends, a reality show starring said vapid friends, a rumored sex tape and a penchant for oversized sunglasses.

She's even famously feuding with former best friend Heidi Montag, which is sooo Paris and Nicole, circa 2005. Speaking of, Lauren really needs to come up with a catchphrase. That would be hot.

But it seems, as of late, that Ms. Conrad has forgotten her place. I can handle her being on MTV, popping up to present at the Video Music Awards and being Just Like Us! in the celebrity tabloids. I might even read those tabloids. And by "read," I mean, "have a subscription."

What's harder to swallow is when Lauren lands the cover of Entertainment Weekly or is the subject of an essay in Time magazine -- both of which happened last week. While EW compared Lauren to Carrie Bradshaw and Time rhapsodized about the "magnificent fakery" of The Hills, the Los Angeles Times reported -- as if it were an actual news story -- that Lauren's neighbors were upset that filming was disrupting the neighborhood.

People.com breathlessly wondered if Lauren was dating actor Kyle Howard (more important question: Who's Kyle Howard?), while the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences announced that the aspiring fashion designer would create the official Emmys gown for this year's ceremony.

The punchline here is that none of these goings-on will appear anywhere near the glossy alterna-"reality" of The Hills, a show that purports to be about Lauren's life, and returns for a fourth season Aug. 18.

Speaking of punchlines:

Project Runway
The designers are tasked with creating outfits to be worn by U.S Olympians during opening ceremonies. Someone apparently forgot to tell Heidi & Co. that Ralph Lauren already had this one in the bag, but anyway. Blayne spews some gibberish about how he's going for the gold, but who is he kidding? It's obviously neck and neck between Blayne and Michael Kors for the Bronzed Medal. (9 p.m. Wednesdays, Bravo)

Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood
Tori and Dean record a song together: "When Dean and I met and fell in love, we saw the movie Walk The Line, and we fell in love with the relationship between Johnny Cash and June Carter. So we've always wanted to make music together." Oh. I thought she was going to say, "When Dean and I met and fell in love, he was actually married to someone else with a brand new baby." In related news, Dean buys Tori a pink Hello Kitty guitar, which just screams June Carter Cash. (10 p.m. Tuesdays, Oxygen)

Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List
Kathy realizes that money can't buy social skills when her billionaire boyfriend, Steve Wozniak, alienates figure skater Peggy Fleming at a charity fundraiser by going on and on about the number 37. "So you get a gift like drunken Peggy Fleming, and Steve's random chatter is even driving her away." You know what's good for drowning out random chatter? One-hundred-dollar bills.

Date My Ex: Jo & Slade
Jo goes on a date with a sweet, naive boy from Minnesota named Steven. Steven: "I've dated a couple girls in Los Angeles. I'll say I had some interesting experiences...one actually robbed me. Jo seems really nice." Of course, dating Jo on reality TV is robbing you of your dignity, Steven, but other than that -- sure, she's nice. (9 p.m. Mondays, Bravo)

Ashley Paige: Bikini or Bust
Ashley takes stock of her life on the eve of her 38th birthday: "Basically, I'm a 38-year-old loser with no money. I can't get a facelift and I can't get my eggs frozen." Ashley's assistant responds: "Don't get depressed about it. Have a party!" Ashley may be broke, but her assistant is proving to be a wise investment. (11 a.m. Saturdays, TLC)

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