Well, some of you may have noticed that I didn't recap last week, but it made me realize even if I am not here, my editor can post something from me because since almost every Hills episode is the same. All you need is a mad lib and some lowly intern to pop in some words.

Let's test my theory, shall we? Here we go with The Hills Mad Lib:

Lauren and Whitney are at work [folding clothes, staring at computer screens, or backstage at a runway show (please choose one)]. Whitney asks Lauren about [name of one of Lauren's friends] and Lauren tells Whitney there's a lot of drama and how it all is going to go down when they go to [insignificant event or overly hyped LA nightclub]. Whitney pretends to be interested.

Credits: Cue Natasha Bedingfield, "...the rest is still unwritten..."

Spencer and Heidi are at [name of overpriced, ridiculously over-hyped restaurant] and somehow the topic of Lauren comes up. Spencer says [expression of disgust]. Spencer and Heidi then argue about [something Heidi has done to maintain her own independence]. Spencer than blasts [a member of his or Heidi's family] for being contractually obligated to spend time with Lauren.

Audrina is at Epic records and she is with her co-worker Chiara. Chiara asks Audrina about [one night in the previous week that had nothing to do with Chiara but Chiara seems oddly curious about anyway.] Chiara pretends to be interested.

Lauren and Whitney are called over by Kelly Cutrone, who is stressed because there is a big event for [name of celeb or artist that MTV wants to promote desperately]. The two are told that they have to pull of this event perfectly or else. During the event, [some insignificant problem] happens and Lauren and Whitney manage to troubleshoot it, because it wasn't that much of a problem to begin with. They then save the whole event and simultaneously solve world hunger.

At Lauren, Lo and Audrina's house: Lauren and Lo are [something completely boring and wasteful of time, considering they are both supposedly in school] and Lo says [something that sounds like a four year old]. Audrina enters and Lo gives a stinkface and Audrina gives a blank stare face.

The gang is at [some location in L.A.]. They are talking about nothing interesting, pulling on their hair extensions and sipping drinks. Then [another friend] enters and [one of the people present] feels awkward so [a fight ensues or they all leave after being there for five minutes (please choose one)].

Lauren and Stephanie are at computer class. Lauren repeats the events of the previous evening to Stephanie. Stephanie is wearing [a description of an outfit that she thinks makes her look cutting edge, but we know better.]

The next day at People's Revolution, Whitney and Lauren are talking, and Lauren once again repeats word for word the events of the evening before. Whitney and Lauren stare at each other as the credits roll.

And, scene!

Now, I promise you, I wrote this before I saw this episode, and it totally worked. The big event? Doug's BBQ. The drama? Stephanie and Doug went out, and Lauren makes it all about her and Stephanie cries. Although Stephanie does a damn poor job of defending herself. And she and Doug hatch a plan to hide their "relationship." I've had more enthralling relationships with my dentist. And we find out that Doug has a room in his house that is adorned with framed photographs and drawn portraits of himself. I want a room just like that. With pictures of Doug, I mean.

Meanwhile, Heidi's mother is in town, and Heidi makes her cry because she didn't tell her that she was living with Spencer and that Spencer is well ... Spencer. That family loves being melodramatic on camera. I wouldn't be surprised if the family dog shows up next week up barking about some drama.

Spencer's level of Spencer-ness has reach a metaphysical level, and seems to be taking my cue and snarking out loud on everything; he seems totally in on the joke. It seems like he's the only one who has embraced his Hills "character" and is going to town with it. Maybe he's smarter than we first realized. Oh my god, what did I just say?

Despite being lactose intolerant, I'm on my way out to get a milkshake from Sonic because I love their new commercial, totally spoofing the show calling their clip The Stalls. Be on the lookout for it.

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