Maisy Fernandez,
Sep 25, 2009
The idea behind The Hills theme song, "Unwritten," is one of hope, promise and the anticipation of future possibilities. Funny, since the "reality" show is anything but unwritten.
You'd think a channel originally dubbed Music Television could come up with something a little more fitting.
Well, we love music, too, so we're willing to help out. Since "Unwritten" is far too established as the show's theme song to make any changes, we're breaking it down a bit further, offering each cast member their own song.
I mean, it is MTV right?
See pictures The Hills cast
KRISTIN CAVALLARI: "Baby, I'm a Star," Prince
Now that boring Lauren's history, The Hills will revolve around a much spicier Kristin Cavallari. And based on the show's trailer, she's truly the focal point of the show, managing to alienate the rest of the Hills kids.
Sample lyrics: "Hey, look me over/ Tell me do you like what you see/ Hey, I ain't got no money/ But honey, I'm rich on personality."
HEIDI MONTAG PRATT: "Toxic," Britney Spears
After watching once semi-innocent Heidi get sucked into the egomanical vortex that is Spencer Pratt, this is the only way to describe what's happened to the Colorado girl who grew up in the mountains.
Lyrics: "It's getting late to give you up/ I took a sip from the devil cup/ Slowly, it's taking over me."
SPENCER PRATT: "Coldhearted Snake," Paula Abdul
If Spencer has any redeeming qualities, we don't expect to see them this season, despite his claims that he's become a better man after therapy. (He was still up to his old tricks over summer during his stint on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here.)
Lyrics: "You could find somebody better girl/ He could only make you cry/ You deserve somebody better girl/ He's c-cold as ice."
HOLLY MONTAG: "Brass Monkey," Beastie Boys
Since Holly had a drunken faux pas in the season finale and the trailer implies she may have an alcohol problem, this Beastie Boys classic seems appropriate. (Plus, she hasn't done much else on the show so we don't have a lot to work with.)
Lyrics: "‘Cause I drink it anytime and anyplace/ When it's time to get ill, I pour it on my face/ Monkey tastes def when you pour it on ice/ C'mon y'all, it's time to get nice."
BRODY JENNER: "Womanizer," Britney Spears
It's no secret Brody has a wandering eye. He hooked up with Lauren's best friend, Jen Bunney, when Lauren was still pining for him a bit. And he spent the night with Audrina when he had a girlfriend at home.
Lyrics: "Look at you getting more than just a re-up/ Baby you got all the puppets with their strings up/ Fakin' like a good one but I call 'em like I see 'em/ I know what you are, what you are, baby."
LO BOSWORTH: "Best Friend," Brandy
When viewers need to know something about one of the cast's lives, producers set them up for an outing with everyone's best buddy, Lo, so she can make the appropriate queries. Lo has about three standard lines, "So, have you talked to (insert name of nemesis or boyfriend here)?," "How's it going at work?," and "What are you going to do about (current dramatic situation)?"
Lyrics: "Through the good times and the bad ones/ Whether I lose or if I win/ I know one thing never changes/ And that's you as my best friend."
AUDRINA PARTRIDGE: "Just a Friend," Biz Markie
For months, Justin Bobby wouldn't define his relationship with Audrina as exclusive. And after spending the night with Brody in Hawaii, Brody keeps insisting to his girlfriend, Jayde, that Audrina is no threat to their relationship. She's forever trapped in the friend zone.
Lyrics: "When I asked, do you have a man, she tried to pretend/ She said, no I don't, I only have a friend."
STEPHANIE PRATT: "Dumb Girl," RUN DMC
Stephanie previously had a drug problem, has admitted to shoplifting $1300 worth of stuff from Neiman Marcus, has acted shady to her friends in previous seasons of The Hills, and got fired from her last job because she was too busy trying to snag a man to work.
Lyrics: "And I can tell that you're dumb when you walk in the place/ Walkin round with your thumb cold stuck in your face/ Always sinnin', never winnin', cause you're last in the race/ You get high and tell a lie and think that makes you the ace."
