Stephanie Pratt's guide to career success:

1. Go through the worst interview ever, but have the producers of The Hills make Kelly Cutrone hire you as an intern at People's Revolution.
2. Since you work in fashion, you don't need to know anything about cataloging fashion. In fact, just throw clothes into boxes and eat potato chips and coke over the designer clothes.
3. When at your desk, look vacant and don't do anything remotely related to work.
4. When your phone rings, ignore it.
5. If it rings again, answer it and then immediately hang up after the person speaks to you. Proclaim "Whoops, I think I just hung up on someone."
6. Intentionally forget any task that you were asked to complete and then have your supervisor fix it for you.
7. When your on-screen friend tries to give you helpful advice, ignore her and doodle on some notebook paper, because you "hate confrontation."

These easy seven steps will have you well on your way to having your own line of handbags!

In other news, I think Los Angeles has only two nightclubs. When Lo, Lauren and Audrina go to Coco De Ville, they happen to run into Brody and his girlfriend. Audrina makes eyes at Brody, although you never really can tell what she is looking at. About five minutes later, they also run into Justin. Who, despite a painful 10-episode arc last season ending with the promise ring, has broken up with Audrina. Audrina says she hates him and wants to ignore him, but spends the rest of the night making a big deal out of ignoring him. Some underpaid editor gives us shots of Brody supposedly looking longingly at Audrina. Also, Audrina has a friend named Sleazy T.

See pictures of Lauren Conrad

At lunch at Crustacean (I am starting to have an appreciation for the rather dumb names for places in L.A.), Lo, Lauren, and Audrina talk about, what else? Themselves and their drama. I thought Lo and Audrina were frenemies? Now they are ladies who lunch together? So I watched all of Season 3 for nothing? Audrina mentions that she's into Brody, and Lauren's eyes bug out and she practically chokes on her $45 dollar crab salad. The Hills gang is turning into Beverly Hills, 90210, where everyone's dating pool is the same five people.

I didn't forget about our star couple, Heidi and Spencer, who have their first session with a (doubtfully licensed) therapist. The expected inane squabbling ensues, with the therapist stating, "This seems all very high school." I think high-schoolers would find insult in that statement.

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