Look, I could just sit here and give you a play by play of the ridiculous events on this week's episode of The Hills, telling you how fake and unrealistic it is, but that is just beyond the point. The creators of this show don't even care that it's fake. In fact, they seem to revel in it. The whole show has become about fake people in fake, set up situations based on the facts that these people are famous. Furthermore, storylines that dragged out for episodes, and in some cases, seasons, seem to be forgotten.

Remember the whole story arc of Audrina and Lo claiming they will never be friends? Audrina now lunches with Lo regularly. Remember Stephanie declaring she will never hang out with Brody and crew ever again? She is the first one at their table at the newest club. In this episode, we see Audrina and Lauren shopping as they chat. The store they are in is totally empty, and they blankly pick up items and look at them while they talk. Please, a little bit of effort here.

See pictures of Lauren Conrad

Due to the proclivity for the "stars" of this show to make sure they frequent the covers of tabloids, we know that Heidi and Spencer already got married among paparazzi. So how can the producers set up three seasons of a storyline in which Spencer and Heidi fight and make up? The whole "will they end up together or not" is completely gone. Actually, it just makes them look as if they are going to be the world's most dysfunctional couple. Furthermore, the Queen Bee, Lauren, will be leaving the show after this season (this may be the smartest move ever or the dumbest move ever for her "career"). Knowing that she is leaving, who cares if Lauren and Heidi reconcile or not? Maybe they'll become besties and Heidi will receive frequent texts from Lauren. Or the show will become a show about Newlyweds, a la Jessica and Nick? I wouldn't wish that on my best TV viewers.

Oh, right. The actual episode. Spencer and Heidi are due for a major fight and a therapy session. Heidi discovers a text message on Spencer's phone from Staci, the evil, boyfriend-stealing-bartendrix. Heidi, Stephanie and Holly head to H Wood to confront her, and would you look at that! It's the battle of the Blondes vs. The Brunettes. The two ladies have a fight over the loud music and nothing is accomplished except creating "drama," which these characters seem to thrive on. Meanwhile Ms. Therapist has a one on one with Spencer, who seems strangely subdued and cooperative and talks about how to win Heidi's trust back by ... oh who even really cares.

Across town, Frankie and Doug (they live together now) are having a barbecue, in which no barbecue apparatus is seen and people drink liquor inside their house. Jayde, Brody's true love, is miffed about his fling with Audrina in Hawaii. Jayde looks like a My Super Sweet Sixteen show reject who got into her mother's Botox. Audrina she claims she doesn't want any drama, so she of course, comes to the party. Jayde confronts her and of course it goes nowhere, and they just leave rolling their eyes, and Jayde downs some Jagermeister like it's an Atkins shake. Why was I expecting that these folks can have productive conversations? Oh yea Audrina, sure it's no big deal that you hooked up with Brody, and that Jayde should just get over it. If that's the case, I want the 15 hours of my life back in which I watched Justin continuously treat you like crap and you incessantly talking about it.

The theme of this episode is, of course, if one's boyfriend is unfaithful, it is the sole blame of the other woman, and how dare they brainwash the boyfriend into straying? Because the boyfriend of course has no part in the infidelity. A good screaming fight with your boyfriend just means he really loves you ... right? Right?

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