I stayed home sick today and resigned myself to watching some bad daytime TV. Serendipitously, I stumbled upon a few showings of The Hills According to Me on MTV. This made me desleriously -- yes, desleriously! -- happy because for one, it made me realize that MTV is in on the joke.

The show is a parody of the original Hills, featuring one male actor who edited in additional scenes of him dressed as the characters and doing some creative editing and voiceovers to expose the ridiculousness. There were too many cleverly done bits to mention by name, but my favorite was the meeting between Jen Bunney and Heidi edited to consist of nothing but blank stares at each other and a sweltering pop song. I highly recommend seeking out this show and watching it; MTV knows they have a cash cow with this show, but also know it's ridiculous.

However, MTV also recognizes the flip side to this; now there is a live aftershow that immediately follows each airing of the show where hundreds of shrieking fans relive each moment of a show they just saw while irritating hosts yell "OMG! Can you believe that happened?" over and over. So this juggernaut of a show now takes up three weekly timeslots on MTV. But let's get to Cabo first, shall we?

The gang is heading to Cabo for Brody's birthday. Isn't this like, the eighth birthday that Brody has had this year? He only takes his bestest bestest friends, or as I like to call, the ones the producers booked for the scenes. Included are Lauren, Audrina, Justin (suddenly one of his best "bros") and Frankie. Frankie hasn't had much to do with any plot line, but he is about five minutes from getting his own spinoff. Wow, for a group of friends that always seem to hang out, they don't seem to have very much fun together. They take off in a private plane, and I'm not even sure whose it is at this point.

They get to their 50-room villa, and the boys gossip in the hot tub. Frankie plays the instigator and tells Justin that Audrina has a boyfriend named Corey. Justin tries to brush it off, but he is really peeved. I also want to point out how I love that Justin needs subtitles when he talks. He also points out that Audrina is a hypocrite for getting angry at him for dating other girls. I always seem surprised on this show when someone seems reasonable. Doug proclaims "All girls are shady!" I want to hate him, but I think about his sister Casey and the current company he keeps, and ... no comment.

Later that night, the gang is having dinner, and Justin tries to engage Audrina in a conversation. Audrina acts passive-aggressive and tells him he shouldn't stay in her room. Justin mouths to his new bros "I'm free!" Kind of a douche move, but Audrina was being ridiculous. Doug announces he has a present for Brody, and suddenly about 30 girls emerge from the house. Suddenly this has turned into Flavor of Love? Or were these all girls who tried out for the part of Heidi's co-workers and didn't get the part? Lauren and Audrina roll their eyes and call them sleazies, mostly because it may take the attention away from them. There's some grinding up against people in the pool and Doug gropes and makes out with most of them. Have I mentioned how unattractive, insecure, and desperate he is?

Audrina looks on at the scene with her dead eyes. Then she stands up, and her new jugs give me sympathy back pains. Audrina and Lauren, the next morning, waste precious time of their vacation to process. Audrina says she sick of the "mind games" that Justin plays. Honestly, if anything, Justin is the most direct person on this show. Audrina is the one who is passive-aggressive. Wait for it ... Justin, stop making me like you! Audrina confronts Justin at the bar, and what they say doesn't matter, but I have to point out that Justin is rockin' the Tobias Funke never-nude denim shorts. Audrina tells him to "grow up" because he refuses to give back her super special magical flower scrunchie that Corey gave her.

Meanwhile, back in L.A., Stephanie Pratt has a new boyfriend. And by "has a new boyfriend," she means "the casting department found her one." Heidi convinces her to double-date with her and Spencer that night. Because that's a sure-fire quiet night. At dinner, Steph and her boyf are 40 minutes late, which is irritating, but Spencer has to be all, well, Spencer about it. Stephanie's new boyfriend is named Cameron, and I swear we've seen him before, either on this show, or on some Laguna show. Are they just recycling people now? Spencer berates them and embarrasses Stephanie, and Heidi sits by, hands in her lap, probably already wondering how she's going to defend Spencer. The next morning, we get our location title, which is "The 4th street steps." Wait, what? Is this a new club? No, it's ... some steps. Spencer is working out there. Hey, at least he's out of the house! Stephanie confronts him on how he acted, and Spencer acts like ... Spencer.

Then, the live aftershow, which is a train wreck. The overly perky hosts talk to Lauren live via satellite, and I swear she's high. She keeps laughing and seems confused by every question. Then Brody shows up and throws out some gang signs or something. Whitney shows up and we see a trailer of her new show, The City. It is exactly what you'd expect, including co-workers with bangs and her very own greasy Justin Bobby. I'm complaining, but you know I'll watch it.

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