What do you usually do to celebrate your birthday? Take your friend Doug's private jet to Vegas for the day! Yea, that's usually what I do. Wait, why is Doug still hanging out with this crew? Suddenly he's besties with Brody and Frankie? Maybe he boosted so many ratings on his last viewing they decided to bring him back. Or perhaps because he has a private jet.

Count on this crew to make Vegas boring and annoying. Vegas is just what they say it is: you forget that anything exists, you forget that the rest of America exists. That's the point. But, Lauren somehow makes sure that every moment and every conversation is about her and the drama in her life. They arrive and they are staying at the Venetian, and we know this because we see the entrance sign about a thousand times. The gals arrive in their suite and automatically, they talk about who Lauren will make out with, Brody or Doug. Lauren pretends to be annoyed, but loves that she is the center of attention.

Have I mentioned how much I am starting to despise her? Which is ironic, because she was one of the most bearable "characters" on Laguna Beach and was even tolerable in the first season.

Meanwhile, Audrina and Justin Bobby arrive on a regular commercial plane later on (such peasants!) prompting everyone to ask where they are, which allows Lauren to launch into her big story, which I am sure she practiced in front of the mirror. The gist is she was out with a big group and Audrina was there, and Lauren had to call her name a couple times before she got a hello. Lauren wanted to talk, but Audrina said she was "with her friends." By which, I think she meant, "there are no cameras here, so I am not contractually obligated to feed your ego."

Brody is visibly annoyed at all this talk about Audrina, and he angrily says, "Just get her to move out and be done with it". And I have to agree with him. I don't think he was being coarse, I think that was his way of saying "sh*t or get off the pot." In what world am I agreeing with Brody Jenner?

So they are at dinner at one of Wolfgang Puck's 30 restaurants in Vegas, and someone brings up Audrina again, and Brody is having none of it. Stephanie brings up how Brody told Lauren not to trust her, and Brody admits it, but then goes for the low blow and tells her she is crazy because of a past drug problem. Stephanie cries and she and Lauren head back up to their suite. Lauren tells her "don't cry over someone who wouldn't cry over you," and she probably was waiting five episodes to throw out that gem. When are the t-shirts coming out?

Well, that's all well and good that Stephanie has since recovered from her addiction, but gosh darnnit, that kind of makes her one of the more interesting people on the show. Fashion check: Lauren is wearing an unflattering flowing poncho-esque top and leggings. It's Vegas, not Atlantic City, Lauren.

They head back out, and everyone is at LAX nightclub (typical). Everyone huddles and explains the outcome of the last five minutes. Audrina and Justin Bobby, who just got into town, make an appearance, do a lap of the place, take two sips of a drink, and then leave at Justin Bobby's suggestion. Lauren is pissed that Audrina did not say hi, and Lo gloats like crazy. Wow, Justin Bobby kind of makes sense when he's sober. Imagine that! Hold up here; making an appearance and leaving quickly is something someone does at a party in the next dorm, it's not something you fly all the way to Vegas for! The rich are not like you and me.

Oh, there's a subplot, if you can even call it that. Stephanie's sister Holly arrives to stay at the Pratt-Montag's. Heidi is excited, Spencer is beyond bratty about it. After she arrives, the happy couple heads out to dinner, leaving her there after her 14-hour drive. The camera lingers on Holly for a minute after Heidi and Spencer leave, and from her expression she didn't seem to inherit the brains in the family (and I'm not saying that Heidi did either).

Heidi is busy at work in her office (i.e. playing Solitaire) and gets a call from Spencer, who is downstairs wanting Heidi to come down immediately because he has to talk to her in person. Fashion check: Heidi is wearing a version of the "FRANKIE SAYS RELAX" type shirts, but I can barely read what it says because her boob job totally distorts it. In fact, her jeans are so tight she can only take really tiny steps so it takes her a while to get downstairs.

What was so important that Spencer had to interrupt her at work? Why, Holly is the embodiment of evil: she was at home on the couch and she erased two of his shows on TiVo! What a beast of a woman! Heidi glares at him, and her collagen-injected lips totally freak me out. The old Heidi would have quit her job to come home and sponge-bathed Spencer's feet to make him feel better, but this new, empowered Heidi tells Spencer he's being ridiculous and that maybe he should get out of the house more often. Wow! In what world am I finding both Brody and Heidi to be the sensible ones?

We cut back to the morning after about the Vegas girls talking about how tired they are from the night before. Frankie comes in and tells the gals he is not good because Brody and Doug are in jail because Doug punched someone. Some producer somewhere is cursing the gods because they didn't get that on camera. I think someone somewhere read somewhere that having something called a "cliffhanger ending" can make for exciting television. However, everyone just sits there with a dull look on their faces for a few seconds while the hottest single from a band who are half my age plays on the soundtrack.

Luckily, we only have to wait until tonight to find out. Thank god, because I can think of nothing else. Except that I can.

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