Amanda Mae Meyncke,
Sep 29, 2008
A fictionalized film version of The Hills would be just so meta, don't you think? But given the fact that Hollywood will adapt anything such a film may not be too far off. Here are our picks to fill out the cast and finally end the age-old question of "Just how many vapid pauses can one movie contain?"
Lauren
On The Hills, Lauren has this weird way of saying each line as if she were reading from a teleprompter, as though she has somehow already seen the transcript of the conversation and can act accordingly. Big news gets a shocked face, while pretty much everything else gets the same glazed deer-caught-in-headlights stare. Who else could better achieve this than Anna Faris? With the help of low lighting, she could portray the pouty dramatist-fashionista with ease.
Audrina
Seriously, almost anyone could be Audrina. But who could really bring that limp, lifeless charm to the role? Why yes, the common houseplant, which could prove once and for all that Audrina's role in the film, as well as in life, could best be filled by an inanimate, stoic object. A houseplant is just as alive as Audrina, and would provide just as much dramatic insight into any situation.
Lo Bosworth
Oooh, plot-device Lo is at it again, breaking up Audrina and Lauren this season, as Audrina moves out. Kristen Bell could play Lo perfectly -- with a bit of an ironic twist. Yet, no one could out passive-aggressive Lo herself. As Lauren's sidekick, Lo is a major component of the show, and Bell can certainly handle the meager requirements: selfish, self-involved, self-interested. Does that cover it?
Heidi Montag
Throw a blond wig on her and Kristen Stewart could be a more-than-passable Heidi, full of pointy angles and vacant stares. Heidi stumbles her way through each episode defending Spencer and their choices, and fake fighting with Lauren. Perhaps her "singing" career could be a major plot point in a film about a show with very little actually happening. Stewart as Heidi could be enjoyable, and a glad departure from the wrenching tween-fest that is her turn in the Twilight franchise.
Spencer Pratt
Neil Patrick Harris would make quick work of Spencer's passive-aggressive ploys, and play up the funny sides of his antics. Everyone loves to hate Spencer, and what an acting challenge for the effortlessly likable Harris, portraying a controlling creep hell-bent on achieving fame at any price. The most difficult part would likely be delivering his lines with any sort of sincerity, and the weird facial expressions that accompany them. Any conversation between Speidi would necessitate some of the best pauses and confused looks yet!
Whitney Port
Can I just take this moment to declare my fervent love for all things Whitney? With every conversation between her and Lauren about God knows what, my admiration for her grows. As such, I feel that her best bet for a true-to-life portrayal would be Amanda Seyfried. Well versed in widening her eyes and running her fingers through her hair from her turn in Mean Girls, Seyfried would be a charming and effortless Whitney.
Stephanie Pratt
Kaley Cuoco is almost an unknown, toiling away as the dumb girl in the Big Bang Theory, which is actually quite funny. Cuoco brings a pleasant acerbic wit and variety to the show, and could work as a prettier version of Stephanie, or "Spencerina" as fans have dubbed her. In the movie too, she would wend her way through life, trying to be friends with everyone, including Lauren, even though Speidi totally hates LC!
You know you love it. Who are your cast picks for the as-yet-unannounced The Hills movie?
