Heidi is pretending to get an assignment at work, and Brent Bolthouse is debuting his new beard. He earns his paycheck by asking Heidi what she did over break, and she tells them about the elopement, to stunned silence and then a "shut up" from Brent. Heh.

Lauren and Lo are getting dolled up for the party they are going to, which just happens to be the SAME opening that Heidi will be working at. What are the odds? Please note that Lauren is wearing a white T-shirt with suspenders. This will be the first of the white trash chic being promoted on the show. Lauren tries to drop another one of her "memorable" quotes: "I only know how to be her best friend or hate her, and nothing in between." I don't have that problem, I only know intense hatred for all of these people. It's pretty simple.

Heidi's mom, Darlene, happens to drop by to see how Heidi is, and also because she picked up a recent issue of Us Weekly to see what is going on in her daughter's life. She tells Heidi she's happy, but then gets upset that she wasn't there, and tells Heidi she owed it to all the people who helped her turn out to be what she's become to have a wedding celebration with them. I know this is totally fake, but I can't help but feel that Darlene's tears are real, in thinking about "what Heidi has become." Later on, she tries to make nice with Spencer by looking at the pictures, but goes in for the kill by telling him he's ruining Heidi's life. Spencer practically stomps his foot and pouts, and says, "We're doing it, and you'll be my mom," in perfect Spencer brattiness.

Justin takes Audrina to a seemingly empty resort in Palm Springs. He rides an "ape-hanger" motocycle; I don't know how that is at all comfortable. Fashion check: he's also wearing overalls with a tank top. With rolls at the cuffs. Yeesh. Upon seeing their suite, Audrina proclaims "It's so white!" She means the decor, but there is so much truth to her simple statement. They have boring, monotone conversations about how they are in a good place, and Justin gives her a ring, which for some reason he puts in his mouth first. She's overjoyed and her eyes look less dead for a single moment.

At the big formal party: People are standing on large rubber balls juggling, and there are tubs of dry ice on the bar. Classy. Lauren shows up and Heidi goes to talk to her and apparently this is a big moment? Lauren admits, "This is awkward," which is seriously, the quote to sum up this whole darn series. Lauren condescendingly asks if she is OK, and Heidi tells her about the wedding, and Lauren assures her that what's important is that she's happy. Then Lauren reads her scripted line about Heidi's mother, and Heidi starts crying a bit, which again, I actually feel may be real, because Heidi may be thinking about what she's actually become, a C-list MTV star.

She admits to Lauren that it's hard, and Lauren hugs her coldly. Heidi blurts out, "Have you been working out?" which maybe is a dig at Lauren, who is a bit taken aback. Lauren tells Heidi, "You know if you need anything, I'm here for you," which really is Lauren's way of gaining the upper hand, because that is so not what she was thinking up until this moment. Or she was. So that negates the entire conflict this whole show was based on! On the other hand, I'm not losing sleep.

Heidi and Spencer show up at the courthouse, and I'm pretty sure Heidi is wearing a onesy with shoulder pads. It's distracting. She goes to "freshen up," which means adding another inch to her makeup, and Stephanie tries to convince Spencer not to go through with it because Heidi will regret not having her family's support. Spencer is adamant and says he wants to do it and he's going to do it, and at this very moment I realize how scary Spencer is in wanting to "own" Heidi, and it bothers me that this is not addressed in any productive form for the impressionable women watching this. Are we supposed to think that "aw, how romantic, Spencer loves Heidi so much he's do anything to have her?" But I guess it's a pipe dream to have The Hills teach a lesson.

They enter the courtroom, which we know is fake from some recent reports, but I know it's fake because the judge is overly friendly. They start to go through with it, and before Spencer says "I do," he asks Heidi if it's what she really wants, and that if she really does want the big fairy-tale wedding, he'll "deal with it." Aw, how nice of him, to "tolerate" it. And they walk about the courtroom, with the judge smiling and waving. So now I know why there'll be a season 5, to include Heidi''s wedding planning. What kind of flowers will she have? Will Lauren show up? The excitement never ends.

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