In the aftermath of one of the most unlikely pairings in Bachelor history, the guy who from the start was seemingly all wrong turned out to be DeAnna's Mr. Right.

And America is pissed.

The Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony in Bachelor History lived up to its name -- finally -- when DeAnna Pappas rejected single father and fan favorite Jason Mesnick in favor of carefree pro snowboarder Jesse Csincsak, who talks like this: "After Mr. Pappas gave me his blessing, we nugged, and that was rad."

For someone who seemed to crave security after being jilted by Brad Womack -- or "got her heart broke," as sister Chrissy would say -- on a previous edition of The Bachelor, DeAnna made a baffling choice. Viewers may have felt cheated by producers who built up the DeAnna-Jason love story throughout the season, while the long-haired, free-spirited Jesse remained mostly in the "friend" zone.

DeAnna eventually accepted Jesse's marriage proposal, saying, "I cannot believe I'm going to marry the guy with the pink shoelaces!" Well, DeAnna, that makes two of us. Onward!

In related news, former Bachelor and fan-favorite Andrew Firestone is a bachelor no more. He married Not Jen Schefft -- aka Ivana Bozilovic -- in Los Olivos, Calif. on Saturday afternoon in a ceremony that reportedly included a rendition of "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi. Classy. And, actually, not very optimistic, if you think about the lyrics. Anyway. No word yet on whether Chris Harrison was in attendance, but Andrew is his favorite Bachelor. He told me so at an ABC party once. Sorry, Charlie.

Finally, rumors persist that Paula Abdul's ex-boyfriend, J.T. Torregiani, is on the short list to be the next Bachelor. Really? First of all, J.T. is not even a name, it's initials. Second, he's a playboy restaurateur who dated Paula Abdul and went into business with Tara Reid. (They are co-owners of West Hollywood eatery Ketchup, best known as the site of the Lauren-Heidi-Spencer run-in on season two of The Hills.) So obviously, J.T. has a history of making good choices with women. Then again, if he enjoys the company of two of the biggest trainwrecks on television, then that bodes well for an entertaining season of The Bachelor. Bring it on, J.T.!

Speaking of trainwrecks:

The Bachelorette: After the Final Rose
Bachelor couple Matt Grant and Shayne Lamas show up to parade their still-on engagement to the cameras. Upon being asked when he knew Shayne was the one, Matt replies: "You know, when she came out of the limo, and her hair -- it was almost like the wind was at the perfect tempo. It just worked." Wow, sounds like the foundation of a really solid relationship! Now that their contractual obligation to appear happy together is up, expect a breakup announcement on the cover of Us Weekly any day now.

Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood
Tori worries that her unborn baby will use her fingernail to puncture her placenta and slice through her liver: "Dean thinks I'm a bit neurotic with my irrational fears. But could [the baby] puncture one of my organs and I could internally bleed, therefore drowning her in my own blood?" Well, probably not, Tori, because your baby doesn't hate you. At least, not yet. (10 p.m. Tuesdays, Oxygen)

The Real World: Hollywood
Dave gets drunk and passes out on the bathroom floor. Will and Brittini kiss in Cancun, then fret about cheating on their significant others. Sarah and Kim gang up on Brianna, who makes a scene at dinner. Brittini's boyfriend visits, not realizing he's been cheated on. So basically, it's an entire season of The Real World: Any Season, rolled into one episode. Next! (10 p.m. Wednesdays, MTV)

Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List
Kathy has breakfast with A-Listers Megan Mullally and Molly Shannon. OK, maybe B-List. Anyway. They discuss their "airport questions." Kathy: "More people ask about my dad. It's the new, 'What's Brooke Shields really like?'" Molly Shannon: "Are you the lady that plays Superstar? That's my airport question." Megan Mullally: "I have a new airport question: 'Tina Fey!' That's my airport question." Here's my airport question: "Do I have to stand in this line, or can I use the kiosk?" (10 p.m. Thursdays, Bravo)

Flipping Out
Jeff takes issue with his house manager listening to an iPod. "As house manager, Chris is now responsible for his own assistant. I don't know if wearing that iPod around all day long is setting the right example." Oh, but insisting that your employees make all of the $20 bills face in the same direction is setting the right example? I hope Jeff never attempts to raise children. That is, however, a show I would totally watch. (10 p.m. Tuesdays, Bravo)

The Two Coreys
Recovering alcoholic -- and 80s teen heartthrob -- Corey Haim works on his 12 steps: "I'm gonna make a list of who I feel like I need to make amends to. First of all, Todd Bridges. Alyssa Milano, Winona Ryder, Nicole Eggert...basically, every one of my ex-girlfriends. Joel Schumaker. Mom...Dad." And while you're at it, Corey, how about everyone who paid to see License To Drive? That's, like, $2.50 I'll never get back. (10 p.m. Sundays, A&E)

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