This week on The Bachelor, Jason Mesnick continues to search for the perfect wife by making the gals all write love songs for him in 30 minutes, which causes uptight Nikki to have multiple panic attacks. Molly wins the one-on-one date by singing about fried food. Jason liked it because she made him sing a line (and the producers made him).

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After spending the night in Jason's tent (pun intended) Molly gets a rose. Meanwhile, the group date went with Jason to the set of General Hospital to act out cliched scenes which all ended in kissing scenes (no tongue allowed onscreen, as one of the actors informs us). God knows Jason needs the practice. What better way to find someone you can pay the mortgage with, share your life and raise your child with?

Meanwhile, Nikki and Stephanie go on the sudden-death overtime date, and Nikki and her scary perfectionism are sent packing. Most of the girls cry to Jason that this is getting so difficult! Because they are falling for him! In other news, Jason continues to be boring and awkward. Finally, in the most! shocking! rose! ceremony! ever! Jason cannot give out the last rose because he is not feeling a connection with the last three women, which included my personal fave, Megan. I'll miss her snarky interview clips and how she made fun of Shannon. Speaking of, Shannon's Veneers and annoying Jersey girl Lauren are sent home to face humiliation from friends and family. And from me.

Witnessing from my previous paragraph, there is really not much to this two-hour show that can't be summed up in a few sentences. The important thing to know is that I permanently clenched while watching this. In fact, I have to do some stretches when I am done. What were the most cringe-worthy moments this week? It was hard to sort through the hundreds, but I tried:

10. When Lauren Jersey-girls about why she will win the song-writing contest because she like, knows the format of a song.

9. When Shannon's Veneers do a rap song for Jason, which also includes turning her hat backwards and calling herself She-nay-nay. Shannon's Veneers aren't the whitest thing about her.

8. When the boom mike picked up moaning sounds from Molly and Jason inside the tent camping out in Jason's backyard. Either Jason is making Molly feel great, or he wanted to tell her about Ty for the zillionth time.

7. When Molly became smug because she was the first one on The Bachelor ever to have a walk of shame. We can only aspire, Molly, we can only aspire.

6. On the set of General Hospital, when Shannon's Veneers claim she has a huge crush on Jason while weilding a large prop knife. Somewhere, some editor hates Shannon and her Veneers.

5. During Nikki and Stephanie's dream date, they get waltzing lessons. The teacher is certainly a wise old sage: "Relationships are like dancing. Sometimes you lead, and sometimes you follow." Wow, deep! I'll bet that this whole show is also like a journey? With a destination? And marriage is like a skyscraper? Sometimes you have to be the foundation? How about marriage is like a symphony and sometimes you have to be the conductor? I can think of these all day.

4. Anytime Chris Harrison appeared on screen. Why is he even on the payroll?

3. Nikki rationalizing why she should get the rose instead of Stephanie: "She already had a chance at a relationship. And sadly, he died." Seriously, Stephanie, you snooze you lose. Oh excuse me, I mean, "take a flight to heaven."

2. Inside the rejection limo, Nikki rationalizing why Stephanie got the rose intead of her. "No matter how hard I try, I'll never be pretty enough or smart enough, or good enough." Nikki, women like you are probably the reason this show is in its 13th season. Break the cycle!

1. Shannon, after realizing that she doesn't know how to play the game, goes to plan B: acting completely desperate and psycho. She tells Jason, "You can't let me go. I'm not letting you let me go. I have so much to offer you. I want to be your best friend. I want to be a mother. I want to meet Ty." Jason awkwardly nods. She goes in for the kiss and he tells her she has bits of napkin on her face. Something tells me that back at her office in Missouri, Shannon has pictures of Anne Geddes babies in her office and spends hours baking cupcakes which she leaves in the breakroom only to have no one eat them.

You'll notice that most of these involve Shannon. She will be missed.

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