Live-blogging The Bachelor: The Hometown Dates

8:05 Seriously, this whole show could be am lot shorter if they didn't show all of last week's episode as a recap. We get it. Naomi is the sporty one. Molly's the preppy one. Melissa is the perky one. And Jillian is the Canadian psycho.

8:10 and still going! Get to the story!

8:12 Oh look, it's Ty! You know your show is crap when the 6-year-old is the most intriguing character. He's saying goodbye to Jason who is headed off to his hometown dates. Wave to Daddy! He's off to find you a new Mommy!

8:15 First stop, Kelowna, Britsh Columbia. So for all you stupid Americans watching, that's in Canada. Jillian is waiting for Jason Mesnick, squeals when she sees him, runs, jumps in to his arms and he swings her around. I'll bet they rehearsed that more times than Baby and Johnny did in the lake.

8:18 Jillian and Jason walk around a cavernous winery, and in an interview, Jason says "The winery was beautiful, but not half as beautiful as Jill." You could actually see his eyes moving to read the cue card.

8:22 Jillian's family welcomes Jason by wrapping him in a Canadian flag. WE GET IT, YOU'RE CANADIAN.

8:25 I have never seen a family trying so hard to pretend they are happy.

8:27 I think that Jillian wants to wear Jason's skin as a mask.

8:31 Jillian's Nana shows up, and she is dressed like a 70-year-old Carrie Bradshaw. She takes one look at Jason, says "Oh my God" and kisses him on the lips. Also, I think she also played Spencer's Nana on The Hills.

8:35 I don't even know what they are saying anymore, I'm distracted by the Canadian accents.

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8:40 On to Grand Rapids, Michigan to meet Molly's family! Molly is waiting for Jason on a golf course in an argyle sweater.

8:41 She welcomes Jason to the country club. I wonder if Molly knows that Jason is Jewish.

8:45 They play some rounds of golf, which is even more boring to watch than it sounds.

8:48 On to the house -- Molly's family is exactly what you'd think. Dad's in a sweater vest. There are mallard ducks in the living room.

8:50 However, these people are kooky! Molly's mom gets out her trunk full of hats and makes them all wear one! Look, Molly's a Viking! Wait, she's a cheesehead! Wait, she's an Indian Chief! They sure are kee-razy!

8:52 Molly's mother drags Jason down to the basement and forces him to draw a picture of Molly. We get a scary disembodied head surrounded by roses. I am surprised she didn't shove Jason into a pit and send down some lotion in a bucket.

Watch a music video starring Jason's ex-wife here

8:55 Jason escapes alive! Jason seems drained. Molly seems boring. I'll bet she goes home.

8:57 Lake Elsinore, California! Was it a requirement on the application that the girls live in huge houses in affluent areas? Sadly, it probably was. I am finding Naomi more and more annoying every time I see her. She has the same voice as Kelly on The Office. She voice-overs that she is so ready to settle down and be a mother. I am surprised that she doesn't just grab a random kid off the street and start breastfeeding to prove it to Jason.

8:59 Naomi's mother looks like the kind of mother who wants to be a "best friend" to her daughter and get manicures and gab about their love lives. Boundaries: a good thing. Also, this family takes the cake for trying to hard to be kooky. Naomi's mother runs and grabs hula hoops and makes everyone try. As if this is just an example of the zany, wacky stuff that the family does every day. I guess they feel it is not, so one of the kids explains that they have a dead dove in the fridge and they want to have a funeral, and for Jason to do the eulogy. Naomi feigns embarrassment and shock, and Jason looks genuinely freaked out. For the first time ever, I kind of feel bad for him.

9:01 I actually miss Chris Harrison. What's he up to?

9:05 Jason is sitting down with Naomi's dad who is on a Jesus rant about how marriage is about Jesus, and how Naomi was raised with the love of Jesus, and all but implying that Jason better love Jesus too if he is going to marry his daughter. I have to say that Jason is handling this well, and by handling it well, I mean just nodding and smiling. In an interview, Jason says "Hector loooooves Jesus." It's the first time I've ever chuckled with Jason, not at him.

9:10 Jason is ready to leave, and he and Naomi make out outside, and we are treated to a close-up of their kiss. Sad to say, Jason has not improved. He is using more tongue, though.

9:16 Dallas, Texas! Jason tries the run-to-each-other-and-lift-her-up-and-spin-her-around move with Melissa and she is the best at it. Bonus points!

9:17 They sit down to a picnic and Melissa gives Jason a gift. Actually, it's for Ty -- it's a box to hold his teeth in for the tooth fairy. Melissa is such a kiss-up.

9:19 Uh oh, tragic news. Jason won't be meeting Melissa's parents. They are very "private people" and aren't "comfortable with the publicness [sic] of all of this." You know what? Melissa's parents rock. Jason has a coniption that he won't meet them, but quickly resolves this by making out with Melissa.

9:25 They arrive at the home of Melissa's friends, and tons of screeching commences. The friends are introduced, but I don't catch their names because they are pretty much the blandest people ever. Except for her friend's husband, who claims in an interview that he is glad Melissa has found someone, because he's tired of her being the fifth wheel. Nice.

9:28 Jason gabs with then girls on a bed. And all he wants to know about is Melissa's parents. Let it go Jason! It's called boundaries, and it seems that her parents have them. Good for them.

9:32 They are back at Melissa's hotel and again, all he wants to talk about is Melissa's parents! LET IT GO. Chances are, whatever engagement you have will end 10 minutes after the reunion, and you would only see them on every other holiday.

9:34 Another close up of Jason's mad kissing skillz. He needs to vary his tongue movements.

9:38 Jason is back on his fake houseboat and Chris Harrison shows up! I wonder what he was doing during this week? Probably drinking and cursing himself that this is where his journalism degree got him. We also get a 10-minute recap of everything that's happened, along with things that happened two minutes ago. Seriously, this show doesn't need to be two hours.

9:48 Jason stands and looks out on to the water expressionless, which means he is thinking. Hard.

9:50 Rose ceremony at a Holiday Inn ballroom. The gals really piled on the makeup for this one. I can barely see Naomi because her new fake tan is the same color as the walls.

9:52 I was wrong, he calls Jillian, Melissa and Molly.

9:55 Jason walks Naomi out and tells her didn't think she was ready to settle down. Naomi says she'd rather hear him say that he was more interested in the other girls than say she wasn't ready to settle down. To be fair, Jason is making assumptions based on the six hours he and Naomi actually spent together. I am not sure what convinced him she wasn't ready. Naomi rides the limo of shame. Suddenly, I have a premonition that Naomi will be the next Bacelorette. Please let me be wrong.

9:57 The gals are going to New Zealand for their overnight dates. AndDeAnna Pappas just happens to show up in New Zealand wanting Jason back! I'll bet Melissa will cry, Jillian will freak out, and Molly will do the dead-eye stare.

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