Everyone's talking today about the mantics of Jason Mesnick on the season finale of The Bachelor. Yes, it was shocking -- unless you have access to the Internet -- but to a 3-year-old, it was just another day in the life of a reality TV father-son team. Here, we take a peek into Ty Mesnick's diary.

From the Diary of Ty Mesnick

Ugh, I am so tired. I had to be on a plane for 26 hours to come to a place called New Zealand. First they force me to live in a floating house in Seattle that isn't really our house, and now this? This jet lag is doing permanent damage to my still-developing brain. Daddy says it's because he has to go to meet some new friends. He also insists that every time I see him, I need to run to him at full speed and he picks me up and falls down. Really, Dad, that's getting old.

See previous Bachelors and Bachelorettes

Dad says he wants me to meet some new friends of his. Personally, I think he should meet some friends his own age, and not these girls. Hey Dad, I have an idea: go make friends with my mom so I'm not a product of a broken home and exploited on television. First we meet Melissa, who I think had too much sugar during her snack time. She keeps telling jokes that have been going around the pre-school joke circuit for months, but I laugh anyway so she doesn't feel bad.

Emails Between Jason and Melissa Leaked!

The next day, Daddy wanted me to meet a new friend of his. I decided I'm going to play this one cool and aloof. Her name was Molly, and she was a bit bland, if you ask me. Her eyes glazed over whenever Daddy talked to her. Daddy told me to call her Molly, which I think was just a trick because it sounds like "mommy." Molly annoyed me for some reason. She could have at least ran a comb through her hair before coming here. She wanted to play frisbee and I tried several times to hurl it directly at her head, but missed. Hey, I'm only three, my motor skills are still developing.

Let's move on: Jillian for the next Bachelorette!

The next night Dad went out without me but I knew exactly what he would be doing, because he was talking with someone called a "producer" who told him what to do. He was going to take Melissa on a boat so she could show off her new bathing suit and to jump into the water because of something called a "metaphor." Then he would take her back to her room and snuggle on the bed with her. Dad does that with me before I go to bed too! He must be really serious about adopting her.

See Jason Mesnick explain himself on Jimmy Kimmel Live

With Molly, they were supposed to pretend like they were going somewhere but then Molly was going to take him back to her house, where she would slather oil all over him and rub his back. Then they were supposed to do other stuff that I didn't quite understand what they meant. I'm only three, give me a break. I just want to go home already.

The next day I woke up and guess who was there? The "D" lady! Sometimes Daddy calls her Dragon Lady. I call her a camera-hog because she managed to make appearances on three different seasons of this show. She came in and asked Daddy to take her back, because she made the wrong choice on her show and she was there to let Jason know that. Except she said it in a monotone voice so I can't really tell if she was just practicing her lines or it was the real thing. Daddy told her that he already was in love with two girls, and she continued with a blank stare. She did save some of her dignity when she tried to pretend that what she wasn't asking for Dad back, but that she was just there to give him "advice." Sure DeAnna, keep telling yourself that. She told him that she picked the "wild card" and not the one she thought was right for her and was warning Jason to do the same. Geez, adults are boring.

Meet Ty's mom, Jason's ex-wife Hilary, here

Dad made me put on a tuxedo. I guess we were going to a wedding? I watched from the window as Molly arrived in a pretty purple dress. She walked up to Dad, who looked like he really had to go to the bathroom. Dad told her that she was amazing and hated to let her go, except that he has to because he's in love with someone else. Blah blah blah. I'm surprised that Molly didn't cry because Dad cries at least twice a day.

Daddy starting crying, but the producer man made him do it again, this time dramatically hurling himself onto the balcony ledge as if he's going to jump off. Just then Melissa arrived. I wonder how she'd feel knowing that Daddy was sobbing his eyes out five minutes before he asked her to join our family. Melissa went to talk to Dad, and he told her something "he's been waiting to tell her for a long time" which was that he loved her. Melissa let out a screech that made my ears bleed and then he kissed her like he used to kiss Mommy, and that made me really confused. Then it hit me: Melissa was going to be my new Mommy! Hey! I've been tricked!

After The Final Rose, From the Diary of Chris Harrison:

I can't believe that this is the 13th time I've been through this After the Final Rose business. You'd think I would have gotten my game together because 13 times, I watch an engaged couple break up on this show, and I can never be the rebound guy! But this time I'm really excited because I got word that Jason wants to dump Melissa on my show and go for Molly! Molly would never go for being sloppy seconds, so there's double the chance that I could be the rebound guy! Woo hoo! I even convinced the producers to forego the studio audience so I could have my time to shine. We played it off with "what you are about to see is so shocking, so intimate, we decided to not have a studio audience." For kicks, I threw in that this season finale shocker was "so historic, so unprecedented." Yeah, I know the presidential election was probably a bit more historic than this, but ratings are ratings. And it sounded cool.

First, Jason comes out. Jeez, this guy is a mess. Either he really took this show seriously or he is a really good actor. Of course, the second he sat down to talk to me, the waterworks started. I asked him what happened, and he reluctantly told me that things with Melissa were not going so great. So buddy, you're nobody when the cameras stop rolling, huh? These Bachelors and their egos. He said he could not stop thinking about Molly the whole time and that he maybe made the wrong choice. He claimed he had no idea why this was happening. Duh Jason, it's because the nature of the show allows you to be dry humping two different women the night before you propose to one of them. Essentially the whole show is based on two-timing women (or twenty-five timing women?). He claims he wants to go for it with Molly. Jeez, this guy has some ego. Without the whole "single father" angle, he's nothing.

I bring Melissa out and try not to laugh because apparently she borrowed Tina Turner's outfit. Jason wastes no time telling Melissa he made the wrong choice. I put in my earplugs expecting Melissa to screech like a banshee, but she actually handled herself well. She told Jason that he ruined the experience of falling in love and getting married, and asked why he would put her through this in the first place. Jason tried to absolve himself, by first of all, crying (really getting old) and kept repeating that he had to "live his life without regrets." I tell myself that every day, yet I keep hosting this show. Melissa finally calls him a bastard, and tells him to not call or text her ever and to leave her alone and leaves. Nicely played, Melissa. Except when she gets into the limo of shame and probably blames herself and asks what's wrong with her, and tries to say something pseudo-feminist like this is a learning experience for her and she's a strong woman.

I send Jason off to cry some more, and bring out Molly. I ask her if she would take Jason back, and she says she still has feelings for him, but would have a lot of questions for him first. I hope one of them is "Why are you such a tool?" and "Don't you think Chris Harrison is a babe?" I bring Jason back out, and I am squirming in my seat in anticipation for him to be denied. Jason tells Molly that he broke it off with Melissa (about ten minutes ago) and that he has feelings for Molly. He asks her if she would "like, go for a cup of coffee or something, and like talk." Wow, real smooth Mr. J. The whole time he is talking, Molly is in disbelief, and is that a smirk I see? She also looks to me a couple of times to see if this is some sort of joke. I'm off camera, but I'm making eyes at her. But ... wait ... she's going for it! She tells him that her feelings never changed. They get all mushy and kiss. What does Jason have that I don't? I host a show, darn it! Well, there's always that crazy Canadian chick who will be the new Bachelorette...

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