Here we go again. It's part two of The Bachelor season's shocking conclusion, and despite the three hours we wasted on this farce of a love story Monday night, we're back on the couch to watch Jason Mesnick offer more lame excuses for his behavior before professing his love for previously dumped Molly Malaney. If only we could quit you, ABC! (And yes, we speak for the other 17 million viewers who tuned in Monday night!)

Bachelor creator throws Jason under the bus!

Here's what we want to know: Is Molly pregnant? Will there be a shotgun wedding? (Will he propose and will she say yes?) Has Melissa moved on? And will second runner-up Jillian be the next Bachelorette?

Let's dive right in:

10:00pm: Here's host Chris Harrison, who looks like the Chesire Cat, secure in the knowledge that he has job security for the next 10 or so years. Thank you, Jason Mesnick!

Emails Between Jason and Melissa Leaked!

10:02pm: It's recap time. As if this weren't painful enough the first time around? While we avert our eyes, I'd like to point out that The Insider tonight had shots of this week's People magazine cover with Jason and Molly on the cover. There's a full photo spread and interview with the happy couple inside. Pretty fast for a couple who supposedly just got back together and worked though some major issues, wouldn't you say?

See previous Bachelors and Bachelorettes

10:13pm: It's The Women Tell All, Part 2! Scorned bachelorettes Naomi, Nikki, Stephanie, Kari and Erica are back to armchair quarterback and fill time chatting with Chris Harrison. Wait, Kari and Erica who? Couldn't ABC have at least gotten Megan or Natalie to show up for this thing?

10:15pm: Stephanie, the single mom, is making this about her: "It's better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all." Now she's saying some nonsense about how Jason had to follow his heart. She clearly drank the Kool-Aid. Sorry, Steph, but you're not going to be the next Bachelorette.

Jillian for the next Bachelorette!

10:18pm: Naomi says she wanted to punch Jason through the TV. Well, hang on, and maybe you'll get a chance to do it in person. Where is Jason anyway?

10:20pm: Question: If the rumors are true and Molly turns out to be pregnant, would it be more or less humiliating to Melissa than when Brangelina did the same to Jennifer Aniston? Discuss.

10:24pm: Here's our Bachelor, the most hated man in America. Jason: "It's definitely not the classiest thing in the world." Understatement!

10:26pm: More recaps. What up with that crazy turquoise disco floor?

10:29pm: Jason has no regrets. No regrets! He gushes about how Molly "challenges" him and is his best friend. Somewhere in Canada, Jillian is pissed.

10:32pm: Melissa has chosen not to join this party and has sent a statement instead: "I am doing really well. I don't regret anything that happened." So all those theories that she's in it for the fame and nothing else would appear to be false. Yes, yes, we know she previously appeared on the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders reality show, but if she really wanted her 15 minutes, why did she turn down the chance to be The Bachelorette?

See Jason Mesnick on Jimmy Kimmel Live

10:39pm: Molly shows up wearing a green dress ... to match "those eyes." No side ponytail or headband tonight, and it looks like she actually brushed her hair for once.

10:42pm: Molly points out that she and Jason are "real people with jobs and families." Watching from home, Jason's mom notes that Molly puts "job" before "family." Hey, since she's a department store buyer, she could get a job at Nordstrom in Seattle! It's almost as if everything happens for a reason!

10:47pm: Jason can't keep his hands off Molly: "I love her. It was worth it. I will stand by that forever." Or at least for another six weeks, after which point he'll realize that the chemistry is just not there anymore. Hey Jason, you could always sign up to appear on Jillian's edition of The Bachelorette. Third time's a charm?

Meet Jason's ex-wife Hilary here

10:52pm: No engagement ring in sight, but Molly, please take this raggedy old tent that you and Jason spent the night in as a token of his affection for you. Because of what may or may not have transpired in that tent, you have the dubious honor of starring in The Bachelor's first ever Walk of Shame. Good luck explaining that one to Ty later.

10:55pm: Jillian is officially the new Bachelorette! Both Molly and Melissa reportedly turned down the gig first. Poor Jillian, always the third choice.

10:58pm: The Bachelorette premieres May 18. Prospective suitors, please don't bring hot dog props when you meet Jillian. It won't be original or cute.

11:00pm: And finally, this season of Bachelor Dad is over. See you on May 18!

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