Earlier this year, when we saw a magazine report that Heidi Montag, Jake Pavelka and Danielle Staub were hanging out together, surrounded by cameras, we knew it was only a matter of time before some hellish new reality show would be announced.

Well, friends, that day has arrived. The above reality stars (from The Hills, The Bachelor and The Real Housewives of New Jersey, respectively) are part of the cast for VH1′s Famous Food, where celebrities aspire to open a successful restaurant in West Hollywood.

The contestants will be tasked with renovating a space, developing a concept, marketing, creating a menu, hiring a staff and overseeing the grand opening. While nobody will be booted from the show each week, the star that judges deem most competent will receive partnership in the restaurant.

So, here’s what we want to know: Would you really want any of these people touching your food? Why didn’t someone get Gordon Ramsey involved in this atrocity?

Take a gander of the full cast and their, um, “qualifications” below, as we make a prediction for the winner. Famous Food premieres Sunday at 10 p.m.

HEIDI MONTAG
According to the press release, Montag knows a lot about the restaurant business because she watched her parents’ eatery fail. Also, she has “a passion for food.” Call us crazy, but she would have been much better suited for a show launching a new plastic surgery office, don’t you think? Her advantage is that she knows the area and she does work hard as long as her rabblerousing husband stays out of the picture. She won’t win, but she won’t be the worst, either.

JAKE PAVELKA
Along with a few other cast members, ex-Bachelor and infamous jerkoff Pavelka was labeled by VH1 simply as a “food connoisseur.” That’s right folks. He consumes meat and grain and produce and dairy matter to nourish his body, and that apparently that gives him enough know-how to open a restaurant. Isn’t he already a pilot? How about a one-way ticket to … well, anywhere but on my TV.

DANIELLE STAUB
So, what’s Dirty Danielle been up to since being let go from RHONJ? Well, besides Famous Food, the nearly 50-year-old has barbecued our ear canals with her crappy music and reportedly signed on with a Gentleman’s Club to be a totally nude stripper and create online adult videos.
Thinking about aging skanks having public sex always makes me want to eat at a fancy restaurant, how about you? NO WAY she wins this.

ASHLEY DUPRE
Staub could take some lessons from former call girl and center of the Eliot Spitzer scandal, Ashley Dupre, whose work no longer involves mounting men for cash. It’s unclear how her experiences as a prostitute, a singer, and an advice columnist for the New York Post will help her succeed on the show, but we do know one thing: She’s managed to reinvent herself in the public eye, so maybe she has a shot at branding a restaurant.

VINCENT PASTORE
We loved us some Big Pussy on the Sopranos, and we might be more excited about him on Famous Food had he not already made a run on three other reality shows (Dancing With the Stars, Celebrity Apprentice and Celebrity Fit Club). Still, he’s the most well-known star here, and probably the biggest draw for part-owner status. As far as “food connoisseurs” go? Well, he doesn’t look like he’s a stranger to a good meal. It will be between him and Three 6 Mafia for the win.

DJ PAUL AND JUICY J
According to VH1, the fine gents that compose Three 6 Mafia have actually prepared meals in a kitchen. Can you imagine? Why, I barely know anyone in my real life who has cooked food before! Anyway, this amazing feat seems to be a larger skill set than anyone else has, so they have that going for them.
But they really do like food, too, because the duo have also expressed interest in hosting a cooking show. With their fun/funny personalities, a Food Network program might be a better fit for them (as long as you don’t mind getting your recipes from a guy that has barbed wire tattooed around his neck).
Regardless, they have a good shot at winning. Not to mention, they’ve beaten the odds before: Academy Award, anyone?

Tags: Famous Food, heidi montag, jake pavelka