This Week on Project Runway: The Designers Get Physical

This week, the producers of Project Runway offered to its viewers what will probably go down in television history as one of the worst-conceived cross-marketing promotions ever. Even though the episode might have offered up plenty of laughs and busty entertainment – and by that I mean boobs – there is no making sense of why the show’s architects thought having a bunch of female wrestlers from the WWE guest star would do anything for ratings. After all, America’s trashiest faux-sport doesn’t exactly spell out “high fashion.”

Anyways, this week’s challenge was to create an outfit for the WWE Divas to wear in the ring. The Divas, in case you’re unfamiliar, are toned Amazonian goddesses that dress up like strippers, thump each other (and men twice their size) in the ring, and appear in posters and calendars my brother hangs all over his bedroom walls. Needless to say, many of the designers were unprepared – except maybe costume extraordinaire, Chris, whose model, Maria, would’ve probably had his babies if he wasn’t, you know, fat and very, very, very gay.

The six remaining designers went to work, first sitting down with their models: sex kitten Candice Michelle (Sweet P); girl next door Torrie (Rami); sporty Michelle McCool (Jillian); chap-happy Kristal (Christian); rock-glamorous Maria (Chris); and Latina Layla (Ricky). Afterwards, the designers headed off to – get this – the Spandex House, where they had a $100 budget apiece to bring their ideas to life. It’s a fair bet that none of them had ever worked with the elastic material before, since it is, after all, one of the worst fashion mistakes of the past twenty years. I remember they were cool for four weeks when I was in junior high; the experience of wearing them in gym still haunts me.

By the time the Divas returned for their first fitting, the outfits were well underway, though some were met with tepid enthusiasm. Candice Michelle, for example, thought Sweet P’s design was something she could find at the stripper store and needed more bling, like sequins, to work. Sweet P, in turn, complained about how much she hated everything about the design and didn’t want to trash up her already trashy work. Layla also seemed disappointed in Ricky’s angle: A neon orange swimsuit with fishnet stockings. Seriously, that’s what he came up with. Christian is busy combing leather and lace to create chaps and a boob-clinging body suit, and this guy thinks his Diva wants to hit the pool.

In the end, the Divas hit the runway and strutted their stuff with more energy than most professional models in front of the panel of dumbstruck judges who had no idea what to make of them. Collectively, I bet they’d watched a total of 20 minutes of WWE before this. Michael Kors, mouth hanging open, admitted, “I feel like the Pope at a sex club.”

Jillian’s sporty design with ass hanging out of boy shorts got her third, while Christian’s, in his words, “fierce” design took second. The whiny bitch couldn’t hide his displeasure when Chris’s leopard-print outfit, which is probably the best thing he’s ever made on the show, took first. “Of course I ended up winning the tackiest challenge we’ve had,” Chris later laughed.

Rami failed to impress again, but escaped the bottom two where Sweet P and last week’s winner, Ricky, ended up. Ultimately, it was Sweet P’s name that got called: “Sweet P…you’re in.” The look of surprise on her face was so great that Ricky’s disappointment was that much more tragic; they both should be home by now, but it was Ricky who ended up there first. As was expected, he cried.

Then his Diva bodyslammed him and roared, “Grow a pair!” Not actually, but at least it would’ve been more entertaining than Ricky’s contribution to this season.

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