New Dancing With the Stars Cast is Revealed

Last night on Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann, the new celebrity Dancing With the Stars contestants were announced. I watched, so you wouldn't have to. You were spared a very, very bad ESPN SportsCenter parody, by the way.

Marlee Matlin: If my memory serves me right, she'll be the first contestant who'd be able to place the mirrorball trophy next to an Oscar if she wins. She'll also be the sentimental favorite because of the disadvantage posed by not being able to hear the music.

Penn Jillette: He's 6'5" tall, so it'll definitely be interesting to see him trying to dance with a partner, but Teller's pretty little, so maybe he's used to it. If he wins, maybe he will name his next kid Rhumba.

Marissa Jaret Winokur: She won a Tony for originating the role of Tracy in Hairspray, which is a show about dancing, among other things, so she definitely has some dance experience under her belt. She's also crazy short, so it'll be entertaining if they make her stand next to Penn.

Adam Carolla: Who wants to lay odds that he will be the first off? I think that he has a lot of fans, but I don't see a whole lot of overlap in demographic between Dancing With the Stars and The Man Show. With the ABC connection, though, maybe we'll get a funny Jimmy Kimmel bit before he inevitably gets the boot.

Kristi Yamaguchi: She might have the biggest advantage going in of any Star yet. I can imagine that a lot of the same skills are needed for both figure skating and ballroom dancing.

Cristian de la Fuente: Okay, I have no idea who this guy is. I'm actually kind of surprised he's the first one I don't recognize. Apparently he is a Latin heartthrob, which did work for Helio.

Monica Seles: She's got the stamina and agility she'll need, but let's hope for no grunting.

Mario: I didn't know who this was, either. He probably has some good hip-hop moves and previous dance experience, but I hope he won't think he's too cool for the ballroom. He has a bit of a look like he might be afraid to get into it.

Steve Guttenberg: What is this, the geeky/gangly white dude edition of Dancing with the Stars? I am having a hard time deciding who will be the most awkward between him, Adam Carolla, and Penn Jilette.

Jason Taylor: The NFL players tend to hold their own on this show, but don't win. He plays for Miami, though, so maybe he goes to the salsa clubs in his free time.

Shannon Elizabeth: Holy crap, she's 34? I guess American Pie came out nine years ago. God, I'm old. Where were we? Oh yeah, she's hot, but can she dance?

Priscilla Presley: Does being married to Elvis give you dance chops? Does every "well preserved" older woman who appears on the show have to be as prissy and humorless as Jane Seymour? We'll see.

All in all, I think it's a pretty good cast. There is plenty of potential here for both entertainment value and dance talent. I think I will probably end up rooting for Kristi and Marissa. Maybe you heard the same rumor I did, that Sean Hayes would be on? It looks like that was a false alarm. Although I'm sure that would have been fun to see, I'm kind of glad that he apparently still has better things to do with his time.

Season six of Dancing with the Stars debuts on March 17 at 8 pm. I wonder if they will do a special salute to Ireland for St. Patrick's Day?

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Amy Kane spends as much quality time with her television as possible, when she's not busy at her day job as a cube dweller.

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