Battlestar Galactica Razorettes: I'm a Little Nicked Off

Before I say anything at all, I'll qualify my Battlestar Galactica fandom, so I don't annoy the frack out of any of you die-hards.

I've seen every episode at least three times, which is what happens when you're dwelling in a house of three geeks with three different schedules, and you're a freelance writer sitting in the living room at your laptop at all hours of the day while each of the three attempt to catch up with the others.

Not that I'm complaining. BSG's by far the best produced and written television series of the decade, possibly even the highest form of sci-fi art ever to make the small screen. I'm a fan, a huge fan, even, but only of the show. I don't read the comic books; I don't watch the Sci-Fi Channel's web-only cast interviews. In fact, I think the only auxiliary BSG material I've paid any attention to was Tricia Helfer's (aka Cylon 6) Playboy spread. Can you blame me? I've got a thing for Cyborg women with number names. I was ready to slug former Senate candidate Jack Ryan when I learned that Jeri Ryan (aka Star Trek Voyager's Seven of Nine) divorced him because he'd pressured her to screw him publicly at a few swinger clubs.

But enough about my fantasy life. This is about the new BSG "Razorettes" released online to tease us fans for the forthcoming "TV event" which is Razor.

When BSG released its last "webisode" series, Resistance, I'd watched and was altogether unimpressed. Red-head-character-I don't-recognize has some secret conversation. Prettyboy-character-I-don't-know has another secret conversation. Apparently, each is having some sort of internal conflict about whatever it is that's going to happen. Yawn.

I can't complain about the adrenaline-level of the latest "Razorette" series, all of which were based on Commander Adama's flashbacks set during the first Cylon war 40-something years ago.

According to these flashbacks (four of which have been released so far) Adama's first day in the field as a pilot was the most incredible day in his life. Let's go over the highlights:

1.) Adama gets laid, a memorable event for any kid.

2.) Superior officer who lays Adama dies after receiving some sort of injury that blows half her face off. Adama is ready for revenge.

3.) Adama launches into space and guns down a bunch of Cylon Raiders.

4.) Adama takes a hit, ejects into the below planet's atmosphere and has a Clive-Owen-style free-fall pistol battle with one of the original metal Cylons. Then, Adama lands and busts the Cylon's head to pieces with a lead pipe in a warehouse.

All in all, a fairly productive morning.

I've got mixed feelings about this romanticization of Adama. Throughout the series, most rookies injected into battle are coated with sweat and prone to the shakes. Mostly they just stick close to the hotshots and try not to get blown to pieces. Adama, on the other hand, clenches his pock-marked cheeks and, against orders, chases a couple Raiders through cloud cover. Adama is apparently flawless.

Which sucks. In the series, Adama makes mistakes of judgment, he fracks up and people die. He's wracked with self-doubt. And in previous flashbacks, he's more of a good-natured loser with a scheme to get himself and his buddy Saul Tigh back into the fleet.

The same goes for the Cylons. Somehow the Cylons of the First War were agile I, Robot style warriors, whereas the Second War's Cylon robots are of the clunky Lost in Space variety.

The flawed, incompleteness of BSG's characters has always been what puts the show on the Blade Runner, literary side of the sci-fi spectrum, rather than the fantastical Star Wars end. If the show's writers have lost their grasp on human nature, then we're all done for.

Frack.

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