America's Next Top Model just started its tenth cycle on Wednesday night, but I spent the entire episode thinking about the color my girlfriend and I just painted our new apartment’s dining room. The swatch from Home Depot was "Meadow Green," but, now that it's on the wall, it’s got a hell of a lot more blue in it than there is in any meadow I've ever seen. In fact, it's kind of a sea green; maybe it should be renamed "Neptune's Vomit?"

Anyways, Tyra’s back and she's got fourteen new models for us to mock and yell at from our couches. As near as I can tell, there are at least three really unintelligent girls vying for the ... wait, I forget what they're vying for. Is there a prize? They call it America's Next Top Model, but none of these so-called "models" ever do anything with themselves except get recognized for a few years after their cycle ends. Come to think of it, who cares? I'm certain if I think about it too hard, my head will explode.

Back to those ditzy girls I was rambling on about (Kim, Allison, Anya)... Seriously, this cycle boasts more dumb human beings than every other season put together. Considering how many even less impressive aspiring models were kicked off this week during the initial broadcast vetting process, one has to imagine that the show's producers have taken the American Idol route and just started including joke contestants for chuckles. Moreover, they're apparently letting dudes into the competition now, too. That's a twist, I say. Oh wait, my girlfriend just informed me that's Dominique, a "female." I’m betting she’s a transvestite, which is cool, you know, but I’m confident this is just more stunt casting. Picture it: episode six's twist ending - Dominique is a man. Well, I won't be surprised, that's for sure.

Then there's Fatima, a Somalian woman who's spent much of her life in the US after being violently circumcised in her native land. She pointed out how damn silly and "ghetto" she thought a lot of the other black models were acting, which led to a lot of shouting and bandying about of the word "bitch." A girl named Shalynda – who was auditioning for her eighth time and had just announced she was a bitch herself - then declared quite bizarrely, "That is not my government name!" when Fatima asked if she could actually address her as bitch. Your government name, Shalynda? Yeah, maybe that kind of stupidity is why Fatima was making fun of you and why you were ultimately sent home.

Long story short: fourteen models were chosen, but only two or three of them look like they’ll have a chance in the world of high fashion. Maybe that’s the point, though. Maybe the producers of America’s Next Top Model have accepted how pointless the competition really is, and have just stopped caring about anything other than ratings. In other words, I'm looking forward to this cycle!

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