We’re now halfway through this season of The Bachelor, which means we still have plenty of leaps of faith and not-here-for-the-right-reasoning to go before we get to the final battle, and that’s sure looking like a Courtney vs. Kacie face-off.

But before that, we’re going to have “The Women Tell All,” and I’m sensing things might be especially heated this time around. Yes, everyone goes into this show knowing that the main man will be dating multiple women, will be telling several exactly what they want to hear, etc. But it’s one thing to appreciate that Ben Flajnik will have to cycle through a few mandated dates, and quite another to realize that he was kissing you not long after he allowed a naked woman to straddle his own nude self in the Caribbean Sea, something that we can’t be sure wasn’t flat-out porn only due to the water level.

Ben and the final 11 were in Puerto Rico, where the major topic of discussion was getting some face time with the Bachelor. After all, history shows that if you haven’t had a one-on-one date by now, it’s probably not going to happen. This was good news for bubbly divorcee Nicki, who has been hanging on the fringes of contention mostly because she hadn’t been given solo time yet. Their San Juan sojourn was to be one of those “wander around an exotic city and banter with colorful street vendors” dates, but their plans were cut short by heavy rain. Still, this gave Nicki the opportunity to prove she wasn’t all whiny and high maintenance, and her willingness to go with the flood – er, flow won her points with Ben.

Back in the first week when Nicki withheld from Ben the fact that she was divorced, it appeared we were heading for a dramatic reveal of that fact at some point, but it turned out Ben was already aware by the time of this date. During dinner, he asked her about the end of the marriage – discussion of past failed relationships is about the only conversation we ever hear him make – and Nicki simply said she and the ex grew apart and wanted different things. Given that she is still in her twenties and was married only three years, this seems like a flashing yellow light at the very least, but Ben gave her a rose anyway. Nicki seems more like a “hot platonic friend to hit the clubs with” type rather than a future wife, but she passed the first test.

The group date featured nine of the women for an event that usually takes nine: a baseball game, in keeping with Puerto Rican custom. The game had a sly premise: the teams would be broken up into five on a side, and whichever team won would head to the beach to conclude the date with Ben, while the losers would ride the bus back to the mansion. In order to make the sides even, one woman was designated to play for both teams, and thus become a guaranteed participant in the beach party. Ben picked Lindzi, presumably because she came across as the jock in the group, so to speak.

But surprisingly enough, it was buxom “waitress” Blakeley who took command on the field. She had bragged about how well she had played in college, which no doubt shocked viewers who hadn’t realized she was any sort of athlete … or had gone to college. It turned out she wasn’t kidding, but she didn’t get the help she needed, and when Jennifer struck out to end the game, she, Blakeley, Emily, and Rachel were on the losing end; while Casey, Jamie, Kacie, and Courtney (yes, they were on the same team) got the extra time with the Bachelor.

While Blakeley berated the bums she got stuck with all during their ride home, the other five headed to the beach. There wasn’t much time spent here, for reasons that would become apparent later. We got to see Kacie pretending to listen to Ben’s complaints about women in his past, a feat which won her the rose for the date. But most of the interlude was taken up by Courtney’s voiceover about what piddling competition the others were, and how Ben deserves a woman rather than a little girl. She pulled Ben aside to bring up the topic of skinny-dipping in the warm surf, which might be considered foreshadowing to anyone who has watched teaser footage at any point in the last several weeks.

Speaking of foreshadowing, when Chris Harrison met the women upon their arrival in the commonwealth, he reminded them that if you don’t get a rose on a one-on-one date, you’re going home right then and there. The camera landed on Elyse at that very moment, which it turns out was not accidental. If you see someone getting a one-on-one this late in the season after having spent little time with the protagonist so far, it’s rarely a good sign, because they like to have at least one such rejection in every season for dramatic purposed. Elyse, whose main impression in the first four weeks was throwing the biggest hissyfit about Shawntel coming back, drew the short straw.

Their ride on a yacht to the site of dinner seemed pleasant enough, and it’s hard to know if there’s anything Elyse could have said to save herself. Ben seemed to fixate on her announcement that she had already achieved all her life’s goals at age 24, and her statement that she was sick of being single, but it seemed that was more a case of him somehow needing to justify cutting her (Elyse’s admission that she had quit her job to come on The Bachelor would have been enough for me). Finally, he told her that things just weren’t progressing quickly enough in their “relationship,” and that he would be unable to give her the rose. Off to the Ferry of Rejection for Elyse, who can satisfy herself with the knowledge that we will always remember her as the seething “Who is she?” girl from the Shawntel episode.

So let’s see, how do we kill some time now? Enter Courtney – which is what Ben would apparently be doing himself in just a few minutes (rimshot). She showed up outside his door wrapped in a robe and carrying wine glasses, offering a massage or … whatever. They walked to the beach, where she brought up getting nekkid. Ben’s voiceover revealed that he had mixed emotions (surrrrrre, buddy), but his hesitation was none too convincing. A couple of blurred bare butts later, and there it was, Bachelor dirty movies. Not that I’m a prude, but Courtney was straddling the man! If both of you are naked when that happens, that’s not first base or second base or any base, that’s popping the champagne in the locker room after winning the World Series. Am I right?

Time for the cocktail party, and while Ben was all “Duh, maybe I shouldn’t have done that” the night before, both he and Courtney kept the details of their beach party to themselves. While the women waited for their time with Ben, the topic of skinny dipping comes up (certainly not prompted by a producer or anything like that), and Courtney bubbled about how much fun it would be to do it right there in Puerto Rico! Oooh, she’s a clever one. Interesting thing about Courtney, though: she talks about her competition with the other women constantly, but rarely has anything to say about Ben himself. I wonder if he’s watching at home and noticing this.

The major incident at the party involved Emily, who continues to prove that she’s the stereotypical brainiac with a humongous lack of common sense. She began her talk with Ben by promising she wasn’t going to obsess on Courtney this week – just before launching into the exact same speech as a week ago about how “Courtney acts differently around us than around you,” yadda yadda. Once again, Ben’s face went dark as he warned Emily to “tread lightly” where Courtney was concerned. Tread lightly? Are they executing people at the Rose Ceremony now? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’d almost prefer Brad Womack back at this point. For all his psychobabble and overly earnest BS, at least he could be counted on to be a gentleman.

With Elyse dispatched, one more woman would have to be cut this week, and all evidence pointed to it being one of four: Jamie, who hasn’t been seen having any meaningful time with Ben so far (despite her prominent place in the season premiere intros); Casey, who has been nearly as absent; Blakeley, who hasn’t had a one-on-one date with Ben yet and was grumbling about that fact all night long; or Emily, who is now stumbling along after having shot off both her feet. But instead, Ben gave the last rose to Emily for a second straight week, and it was Jennifer sent home – the same Jennifer whose kissing Ben has praised more than once, and who had what looked like a decent solo date with him just a week ago. Absolutely nothing happened in the episode to signal this might be coming, unless you count the striking out. She comes across as a genuinely sweet person, so I suppose I should be pleased she’s leaving this circus before things get really messy.

Next week: “The most glamorous city in Central America,” Panama City (I didn’t know either); and some drama involving Casey, possibly the discovery of her long-lost personality.

Tags: ben flajnik, brad womack, chris harrison, the bachelor, the bachelor 16