Fame: It can score you loads of publicity, modeling contracts and even your own reality show, even if you have no talent. And no two Hollywood lovelies fit the no-skills-besides-being-pretty description better than former best friends Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian.

So with a new season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians slated for March 8 (10 p.m. ET) on E!, and Paris' My New BFF in the not-so-distant rearview mirror, it seems like the perfect time for a celebrity catfight ... TV Throwdown-style.

See pictures of Kim Kardashian

"ACTING"
Kim has one Razzie award nomination for her supporting role in Disaster Movie. But since 2006, Paris has won four Razzies: two worst supporting actress, one worst actress and one for worst screen couple. Kim has a lot more on-screen damage to do before she catches up, so she wins this round.
Kim: 1
Paris: 0

HAIRDOS
Call me shallow, but hair -- especially on two young celebs -- is important. While both ladies appear to use extensions from time to time, Paris scores points for actually changing her look, and earns extra credit for each of those looks being flattering. As a celeb, Kim probably has the funds to do whatever she wants with her tresses, but never seems to stray from her long, flowing locks. Kim has hair, but Paris has hair style.
Kim: 1
Paris: 1

See pictures of Paris Hilton

FASHION SENSE
Man, I don't know. Kim's curve-hugging ensembles range from semi-classy to overly boobalicious. She has such a beautiful shape; classic hourglass figures are so rare these days among all the praying mantis-type Hollywood physiques. But sometimes, more (clothing) is more.
Bless her scrawny, bird-legged little heart, but has there been a time when Paris wore something that was long enough to graze her knees? Her too-short frocks often reveal her preference for going commando. No panties in the tabloids = major fashion faux pas. Also, she topped Mr. Blackwell's worst dressed list in 2003. And finally, it's hard for me to trust a person whose thighs don't touch.
Kim: 2
Paris: 1

SEX TAPE SCANDALS
Both ladies noticed a sharp rise in fame after being featured in sex tapes. Since we have no desire to see said videos, we'll judge this category on their romping partners.
Paris' dude, Rick Salomon, was best known for being married to Shannen Doherty. Kim's accomplice, Ray-J, was famous for being R&B singer Brandy's little brother. Way to go, ladies! You'd think if you were going to tape sex, it'd be with someone awesome like Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington. There are no winners here.
Kim: 2
Paris: 1

REALITY SHOWS
With a bizarre menagerie of family members (which includes her "I Still Think I'm 30" mother, Kris; her overly plastic-surgeried step-dad, Bruce Jenner; and constantly-bickering-then-making-up siblings), Keeping Up With The Kardashians is rarely packed with filler.
We found The Simple Life installations fairly entertaining. However, as hard as we tried, we couldn't make it through a single episode of Paris' My New BFF. I mean, Paris is supposed to be a celebrity, but she's shopping for a new best friend via a reality show cast? Really? Still, Paris has a slew of reality shows under her belt, so someone must want to watch her.
Kim: 2
Paris: 2

FRIENDS
It's no wonder Paris is searching for a new best friend. She's had public feuds with several of her former besties, including Nicole Ritchie and Kardashian. On an L.A. radio show, Paris said, "I would not want (Kim's butt) -- it's gross. It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag." We have no recollection of Kim making any disparaging public remarks about her friends, unless provoked. Her response to Paris' remark: "I don't really care. At least I have a butt." Touché.
But Paris goes through friends like most people, herself not included, go through underwear (herself not included). Who wants to walk on eggshells like that?
Kim: 3
Paris: 2

Bottom line: Paris too often comes off as an air-headed, self-serving, backstabbing rich girl that makes few contributions to society. (And no, her horrible go at singing doesn't count, even if it was pure comedy.) It's not like Kim is curing cancer or anything, but at least she knows more words than "That's hot." Overall, Kim seems more humble and likable as a person. (Plus, in the infamous words of Sir Mix-A-Lot: We like big butts and we cannot lie.)

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