Unthinkable as it seems, the question has to be asked: could Donny Osmond actually be leaving Dancing With the Stars one week prior to the season finale?

It does not seem possible that we could see a final three without a male dancer. And particularly this male dancer, who has been assumed to have the biggest and most loyal fanbase seen on DWtS since his sister's mediocre Season Five efforts. But Osmond had the lowest score of any dancer who survived last week, and followed that up with the lowest score on Monday.

Dancing with the Stars through the seasons

But Osmond gave his fans something to cheer about with his final two dances of the night, both of which allowed him to clown around, a mode in which he has excelled all season. His samba, done to the tune of his pubescent hit "One Bad Apple," gave the audience what it wanted, and he didn't embarrass himself too badly on the solo that was required in the Latin dance; and the concluding jitterbug scored despite the lime-green outfits Osmond and Kym Johnson sported.

But it was the first dance of the evening, Osmond's tango, that put him behind the eightball. Despite a pep talk from Gilles Marini, aka the sexiest man in DWtS history, absolutely nothing went right here. Osmond said his goal was to "make everyone uncomfortable" with how passionate it all was, but his tango face looked less sexy than like someone who had put off a trip to the bathroom for too long. He lost his timing early on, and the problems were dramatically compounded when Johnson ripped the hem of her gown with her heel. Osmond quickly and smartly threw himself on the mercy of the judges -- his strategy of effusively owning up to all mistakes has probably helped him this season -- but the best he could do was a trio of 7s from the judges. This might not have been so bad had anyone else really messed up, but he would not be so lucky.

As if ugly-duvkling-turned-fan-favorite Kelly Osbourne had not won enough good will to this point, her evening began with the announcement that one of her dogs had died earlier in the week. Cue the heartwarming scenes of her crying in rehearsal, and Louis van Amstel overcoming his Euro chilliness while still coaxing her back to practice. The rumba shouldn't be performed with a heavy heart, and Osbourne explained away its strange dullness (at one point she and van Amstel almost appeared to stop dancing) by admitting "it was more spiritual than it was erotic." Her score of 24 was the second lowest of the night, but the rumba still seemed a bit overscored, as if no one wanted to sully the memory of the passed-on pooch.

However, Osbourne really redeemed herself with her second dance, a quickstep. She has tried to avoid ballroom whenever possible, but this was easily her best routine of the season, as she finally succeeded in not looking mechanical when things get too fast. The final cha cha cha also displayed excellent timing, and both dances permitted her to keep the small but distinct advantage she gained over Osmond at the outset. If Osbourne sticks around for the final, it won't be entirely based on her sob story, and I wouldn't have thought that possible a few weeks ago.

We didn't learn too much on Monday about Joanna Krupa as a dancer -- she was stellar once again -- but we did discover via the biographical segment that all the dancers had that she's not even the most attractive woman in her family. Seriously, where has this sister of hers been hiding herself while Joanna has been off modeling? Her Viennese waltz with Derek Hough was tasteful, the cha cha cha was not marred by those goofy fringed pants Krupa favors, and her concluding salsa had some excellent hip action, something we haven't always seen from her this season. The end result was a trio of 9s from the judges on all three dances.

Maybe it's because Krupa is currently appearing in Playboy, an association reinforced by Hugh Hefner's appearance in her bio segment, but something about her seems to bring out the innuendo in everyone. There was a rehearsal visit from Hough's old partner Brooke Burke, which inspired him to blurt out "I like role play;" we saw the return of the weird move where Hough holds Krupa around the neck while bobbing her up and down; and Samantha Harris asked of Hough, "Then again, what don't you like doing with Joanna?" Um, right. Hough made a special appeal for votes by promising the viewers he had a great idea for next week's freestyle, but even though I've wondered about Krupa's appeal to the public all season, she does seem to have finally caught on with the studio audience, and I would be surprised to see her leave Tuesday.

And that leaves Mya, who apparently needed nothing more than some kind words from Len Goodman to put this competition in the bag and cinch it tight. She scored 87 overall, which included a second 30 on her salsa, but if she had received three 30s I doubt anyone would have complained -- she was that dominating. Carrie Ann Inaba practically admitted that she is grading Mya and Dmitry Chaplin on a curve, suggesting that since she is capable of a 10 every time out, the tiniest little errors (undetectable to the rest of us) deserve to be harped on at length.

But Mya was the only dancer to rise above the limitations of the third, shorter dance (a cha cha cha) to score higher than a 27 on it, as she received 10s from both Goodman and Bruno Tonioli. Her leadoff waltz was "love set to music," in Tonioli's words, and her solo in the salsa blew the efforts of everyone else away. "I was mesmerized by your buttocks," said Goodman, and aren't those the words that every girl wants to hear? Her obvious superiority, and the glimpse of her upbringing revealed in her biographical package, makes her safe as can be.

I have to think Osbourne won't quite have enough to make it through to the finale (she might have been better served saving the dog story for the end of the show). But an Osmond departure can't completely be counted out, even though he has more family members making calls for him than everyone else combined.

Recommend (0)

|  Comments (0)

|  Email

|  Share

Share  Facebook Digg del.icio.us