My bad: Yesterday I gave Belinda Carlisle three weeks to get her act together before she got kicked off Dancing With the Stars. All it took was one night. It was a bad sign that she kept saying she went on the show to "learn to dance." Isn't the talent bar low enough to begin with? Do we have to put up with watching dancers who simply don't know how? Jeez, DWTS is like getting your hair cut at a barber college. At least one good thing came of Belinda's bland dance adventure: She told MTV News, "My butt's higher, if you really must know."

Is there really any suspense about Belinda's fellow bottom-dwelling dancer-with-a-bodacious-bottom Steve Wozniak being the next to go? Maybe not. He basks in reflected coolness from the Apple brand, and he's such a reality-TV mensch (Hi there, Kathy Griffin in the audience!), maybe he'll be there forever. He certainly thinks so -- he insists the voting is fixed, and he couldn't possibly be in the bottom two. Tech moguls! Even the nice ones have egos the size of a Wall Street con artist's taxpayer-funded annual bonus.

There were other stars of the first elimination night. Michael Rooney made dad Mickey Rooney proud by choreographing the night's big number. Stand up, Mickey! Oh, you ARE standing.

Jewel's "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" was well-received, proving that at least one blond bosomy crooner can still deliver better than Belinda can. But Jewel's gift raises an awkward question: Why is the regular music on DWTS, so ghastly? Now that it's a hit, let's hire some damn musicians. DWTS music is to real music what Velveeta is to cheese.

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