It’s hard to say goodbye, isn’t it? I’ve been a loyal viewer of Boston Legal from the time it was spun off from The Practice (which itself died a horrific death), but I think it’s finally time to put the show to rest, banished from the TiVo. Back in the old days we had everything, Boston Legal and me: Shatner in fine form, a gal named Rhona Mitra who upped the “hottie” quotient, and the amazing James Spader as super lawyer Alan Shore. Spader deserves a whole column of his own, actually; he was so glorious in the first two seasons that I almost quit my job to camp on his doorstep, asking him to teach me the ways of magnificent bastardhood. Man, was he mean, cutting, biting, and occasionally downright nasty. Clearly he was everything a young man dreamed of being. Sigh. I’ll miss James Spader. The best part was the once-an-episode occurrence when he’d let his guard down and he and Shatner would share a scotch. This gave hope to men the whole world round that our machismo was not in vain.

All that aside, the show is now horrible. Rhona Mitra disappeared in season two, and they replaced her with Murphy Brown. I could have withstood even this transgression if they’d kept my beloved Spader fun, but they destroyed him too. Gone were the slightly uncomfortable predator moments, instead replaced by a kinder, gentler Spader. And then Boston Legal made an ever broader swoop toward unwatchability by giving Spader the same court case over and over again. The problem is the character of Jerry Espenson. Jerry has Asperger’s syndrome and is quite the quirky fellow. He’s played by a guy named Christian Clemenson, but nothing of the show’s demise should be attributed to Christian. He’s probably a nice guy. My issue is the writers have used him as an instrument to make the show go away, they’ve used him as Shiva-Destroyer. What’s gone wrong? It’s a simple thing, and easy to follow even if you’ve never seen Boston Legal. Off the top of my head, here are the shenanigans Espenson has gotten into over the past dozen episodes. Ready? Take my hand, and don’t be afraid.

1. Jerry held a knife to Murphy Brown’s throat because he was never going to make partner in the firm. (Alan Shore defends him.)

2. Jerry uses a doll for companionship and is pulled over in the H.O.V. lane. When the police try and take the doll he assaults an officer. (Alan Shore defends him.)

3. Jerry has sexual intimacy problems, Alan Shore gets him a sex therapist, they are caught at a hotel, she’s falsely accused of prostitution and he of solicitation. (Alan Shore defends him.)

4. Jerry fires a lawyer at his new firm for being a Scientologist. (Alan Shore defends him.)

5. Jerry is accused of perjury because he served on a jury under false pretenses. (Alan Shore defends him.)

Alan rescues him in every single case. You and I would be serving a well earned prison sentence at this point, but not Jerry. Also, do you see the problem yet? They’ve taken Alan Shore and killed any joy the audience might have derived from him. In season two they came dangerously close to doing this exact same thing with Betty White and Alan, as he was defending her and Leslie Jordan (as Bernard Ferrion) for about a dozen episodes in a row. Alan’s strength has always come from innovative stories, week in and week out, not the same deadbeats over and over again.

So I’m sad to say that although I might give it a few more episodes, I don’t hold out much hope. The grand tradition of the first season and a half has been squandered, replaced by a show that looks a lot like all the other average ones on TV. Take the same plot, plug in the same dialogue, and pray like hell the audience doesn’t notice. We deserved better.

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Laremy Legel
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