Most sane people have no interest in reliving high school, but the eleventh season of Big Brother is bringing back those bad old days. The initial 12 houseguests have been divided into teams that are based on high school cliques: jocks, brains, the "offbeat," and popular kids. Given this show's particular history, one wonders why they left out "class sluts."

The other twist revealed in the premiere is that four former BBers were brought back to potentially serve as the initial Head of Household, depending on how their own clique did in the first competition. If things had gone well, that would have meant either BB8's Jessica or last season's Brian would have come back into the game. If things had gone a little less well, Season Five's Cowboy would have been the returnee. Instead, we have gotten BB10's Jessie, the lunkheaded bodybuilder, as the head of household competition was one geared for an athlete to win. Jessie appears to be a bigger tool than ever, and I sense a reign of terror coming.

We would hardly be proper fans if we weren't making snap judgments based on almost no information, so here are some first impressions of the 13 houseguests:

Kevin: After a season where the show cast a gay man (Steven) who didn't conform to the usual stereotypes, we're squarely back in diva territory with Kevin. Seriously, we first saw him wearing a lavender scarf. My guess is that his penchant for blurting out exactly what he thinks about everyone is going to put him in hot water soon. He might be funny if he dials it down a bit.

Natalie: The diminutive tae kwon do champion had no success in getting everyone to believe she was 18. The little we saw of her looked ominous, and being placed in a group with three jocks might bring out her worst tendencies. I suspect she's going to be quite polarizing, both inside and outside the habitat.

Ronnie: The geeky gamer is the sort of player that the average fan should take to their heart, but it seemed to me that he was trying a little too hard during the premiere to play a role for us. I think it's going to be difficult for him to make any alliances with men, which places him in the position traditionally occupied by gay male houseguests. I hope he has more of a social game than it first appears.

Braden: Surfer Boy called the house "super de-luscious." The mellow attitude is apparently not just casting hype, as he came across as the complete opposite of the sort of buff Type A dude we typically see on Big Brother. I thought he was harmless, even charming, but it's questionable if he'll have the game to stay with the pack.

Casey: The "old guy" in the house is barely in his forties, and on first glance he reminds me of my least favorite kind of teacher when I was a kid: the kind who thinks of himself as oh-so-hip (he's a rapper ... of course). His attempts to fit in come across as more desperate than anything else, and I would be surprised if he misses a single day of the school year that begins next month.

Chima: She's a freelance journalist associated with an entertainment Web site, so I suppose I should feel some affinity for her. But I had some of the same negative vibes that Casey did. Her refusal to tell her age is not only unnecessary (she is 32 and looks it), but it's petty and potentially dangerous in a house where building trust is so important. She'll have to wise up or she'll be out very soon.

Jordan: Well, she is very cute. She informed us that "booger means sex," and that there would be "no booger, 'cause people are watchin'." I don't think it's just her pronounced accent that has me thinking "dumb," since we didn't see anything in the first hour that might lead us to imagine otherwise. Women like her usually latch on to a stronger male and end up sharing his fate, for better or worse.

Laura: She bears a strong resemblance to one of the more fiery houseguests of years past, Dana of Big Brother 4. Of course, Dana did not have breasts the size of satellites of Jupiter. I got very little sense of her personality from the premiere, and given that almost all the comments made about her were boob-related, personality likely wasn't why she was cast, even though she was put with the popular kids.

Lydia: The tattooed lady appeared to imply she is bisexual, which could make for some interesting late nights if she also likes to drink. My guess is that she's going to be able to fit in with most of the houseguests -- even the men who would usually go for the more conventionally attractive women should find her fun to hang out with -- and even though I'm sure I will regret this, she's my pick to win.

Michele: There's only one demographic that Big Brother has been more reluctant to cast than smart men, and that's smart women. Even on the brainy team, being a neuroscientist really stands out. Her decision to downplay the extent of her education was wise (even if being classified with the brains mitigates that some), and married women have a decent track record on this show. I think she could last for a while and be quite likable.

Russell: He's calling himself "Russell, the love muscle," thus putting him in the early lead in the category of Houseguest I Will Most Want To See Get Eaten By Piranhas. The Love Muscle is already claiming that the likes of Ronnie are too non-awesome for him, and making all sorts of promises about how he's going to knock some heads in the house. Yawn. Watching his inevitable demise should be fun.

Jeff: Even his name is dull. I'm not really sure why this guy was cast. The women seem taken with his looks, but most of the men in the house are younger and arguably more attractive. He plays sandlot football, he's up for a "showmance," and he's not an "arithmetic-type person" who reads books. He seems like the type who gets voted out a month into the season, and then you see him at the September reunion and go "Who he?"

Jessie: We know you're proud of your muscles. Find something, anything else to talk about, please. Another early exit, if the reality gods are smiling.

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