C. Robert Cargill,
Nov 10, 2006
The name is Bond. James Bond. You’re damn right it is. The 21st
installment in the James Bond franchise opens on Friday, November 17
with Daniel Craig trying his hand as 007. But with so many Bonds to
choose from now (six, not counting parodies or the original,
made-for-TV Casino Royale that predates the movies), who’s
the best? You know, that argument is about as fruitful as, “Who was the
best Star Trek captain?” It really depends on who you grew
up with as Bond. But each Bond certainly excelled at something, and
each has at least one strike against him. So let’s run down the very
best and the very worst that each Bond had to offer.
Sean Connery: The Name ish Bond. Jamesh Bond.
Bond Films: Dr. No, From
Russia With Love, Goldfinger,
Thunderball,
You
Only Live Twice, Diamonds
Are Forever, Never
Say Never Again (the Bond film that isn’t actually a Bond film)
He was the best Bond because: Manliest. Bond. Ever.
Seriously, the man sweated enough pure testosterone to kill a man on
contact. No one was manlier than Connery.
He was the worst Bond because: Being a product of the
‘60s, his gadgets were the cheapest, cheesiest gadgets of any of the
Bonds. Some of them are laugh-out-loud funny nowadays. I mean, come on,
a hulking jet pack? That’s just silly.
Notes on his Bondness: Widely held as the greatest of
the Bonds, mostly due to the fact that he was the first and has had the
single most successful post-Bond career of the lot, Connery is hard to
argue against. Even when he’s not someone’s favorite, he’s almost
always number two on that list.
George Lazenby:
Once Upon a Bond
Bond Films: On
Her Majesty’s Secret Service
He was the best Bond because: He never made a bad Bond
film.
He was the worst Bond because: He only made one Bond
film.
Notes on his Bondness: Slated to be a Bond bigger
than Connery, Lazenby got the role because he both looked the part and
was an adept martial artist. However, he quit the role of Bond before
his single Bond film, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, had
even entered theatres. The accounts on this differ, ranging from he
thought he was bigger than the role of Bond, Bond was a relic of the
past with the new dawning Hippy revolution, the contract to play Bond
was too demanding, on down to his agent turning down the next film
without telling him. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is a
great film, and he was a great Bond, but his sheer lack of additional
films has turned this potentially great Bond into a Genus Edition
Trivial Pursuit question.
Roger Moore:
Saint James Bond
Bond Films: Live and
Let Die, The
Man with the Golden Gun, The Spy
Who Loved Me, Moonraker,
For
Your Eyes Only, Octopussy,
A View to
a Kill.
He was the best Bond because: He had the single
greatest Bond theme songs of all time, several of which became chart
topping hits. He was also the most fun of the Bonds.
He was the worst Bond because: He liked to play Bond
for laughs.
Notes on his Bondness: Easily the most divisive of the
Bonds, an entire generation sees him as the ultimate Bond, while others
despise his tongue-in-cheek portrayal. Moore often defends this by
pointing out the inherent silliness of a Secret Agent whom everyone in
the world seems to recognize at first sight. While he has a point,
there’s just something about watching Moore run across the heads of
alligators that makes me think he went just a tad bit too far sometimes.
Timothy Dalton: You’re Only
Bond Twice
Bond Films: The
Living Daylights, License to
Kill
He was the best Bond because: He took the role more
seriously than any actor before him.
He was the worst Bond because: The opposite of Roger
Moore, he was just way too serious without being quite the anti-hero
Bond had originally been written to be.
Notes on his Bondness: One movie shy of tying George
Lazenby’s title for shortest Bond ever, Dalton bailed on a third Bond
installment after the Bond character rights were tied up in court for
three years. Citing the desire to pursue other roles, Dalton would
subsequently star in such groundbreaking epics as Beautician and
the Beast, American Outlaws and Looney Tunes: Back
in Action.
Pierce Brosnan:
Tomorrow Never is Not Another Day
Bond Films: Goldeneye,
Tomorrow
Never Dies, The
World is Not Enough, Die
Another Day
He was the best Bond because: He always seemed more
comfortable in the role than any other Bond, perfectly balancing the
serious with the silly.
He was the worst Bond because: He was the first and
only Bond to star in films not adapted from previous material.
Notes on his Bondness: Playing Bond this late in the
game proved to be hit and miss with Brosnan. All of the Ian Fleming
James Bond works had already been adapted, so MGM simply began to spin
the wheel of Bond plots, churning out films that seemed to get more and
more ridiculous as time went on. His last film as Bond, Die
Another Day, was a lot of fun, and Goldeneye had its
moments, but the others are arguably the worst in the series.
Daniel Craig:
Learners Permit to Kill
Bond Films: Casino
Royale
He is the best Bond because: He plays Bond as a cold,
ruthless bastard – just like early Connery. Only managing to kick even
more hindquarter.
He is the worst Bond because: He’s never funny. He
plays it so straight that he forgets to have fun.
Notes on his Bondness: The newest Bond, few have yet
to see how well Craig proves himself. However, some people are going to
take issue with how cold a character his James Bond is. Imagine
something akin to Jason Bourne meets the Sean Connery Bond and you get
a general idea of what he’s going for. It’s going to play well to some,
but simply turn off others – primarily those who love the campy
goodness that Bond has become over time.
C. Robert Cargill
--------------------------------------
Check out a
more "animated" Cargill at www.reeldealreviews.com
Austin-based Cargill, who "... not only loves,
but owns, The Cutting Edge," writes on Movies and DVD two times a
week.
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