Film.com Movie Reviews

Review: Punisher: War Zone Could Become the Showgirls of Comic-Book Movies

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 04:24:00 PST

"The whole theater laughed out loud."

I'm a comic book fan. I'm a movie fan. I'm a comic-book-movie fan. After screening Punisher: War Zone, though, I'm considering lighting myself on fire on the front steps of Lionsgate's offices to protest the fact that they've made me want to stop being a fan of anything at all -- including a species, say humans, capable of creating some so god-awful. It's not like I ever thought the Dolph Lundgren direct-to-video piece of crap from 1989 was…

Review: Cadillac Records Is Worth a Spin

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 04:29:00 PST

"Give it a chance; you'll probably be as pleasantly surprised."

I went into Cadillac Records with lower-than-normal expectations for a movie, which I blame on the inability of filmmakers to add anything fresh to the music biopic in recent years. Sure, Ray and Walk the Line were entertaining enough (arguably because of the lead actors), but it's sad when it's just a matter of directorial tone and a claim to historical fact that separates them from something like Walk Hard: The…

Review: Nobel Son Is No Prizewinner

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 04:18:00 PST

"Too clever, sadly, for its own good."

From the floating face fragments and pithy proclamations in the opening credits -- I liked Scarface over Superman -- to the stylized speed frames and trendy clubbin' soundtrack, it's clear that Nobel Son is aiming for clever.

Alan Rickman slips into familiar shoes as an insufferable and insulting egomaniac in a more-dark-than-witty dark comedy with a Ruthless People plot, a Pulp Fiction attitude and a V for Vendetta-sized chip on it's…

Review: Four Christmases Is About Three Too Many

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 09:56:00 PST

"This seems intent on being as generic and lowbrow as possible."

Who thought it was good idea to put Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon together? He's 15 inches taller than she is, with a receding hairline that makes his gargantuan head seem even larger, while her tiny little noggin is all but covered by her bangs, which hang down into her eyes. Vaughn is known for his loosy-goosy improvisational comedic style, while Witherspoon is a more controlling Type-A personality who…

Review: Transporter 3 Doesn't Make Any Sense

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 11:26:00 PST

"Don't bother unless you're looking for 100 minutes of loud noises."

This movie is a shame. Furthermore, it's a damned shame. I hate to be that way towards a guy I really like (Jason Statham) but it's true. He should have passed on this check and used his time to learn another martial arts discipline (Krav Maga maybe?).

All movies require that you suspend your disbelief on some level. You know E.T. doesn't like Reese's Pieces (he likes Krackel) and you realize that Will Smith ca…

Review: Australia is One of a Kind

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 16:35:00 PST

"It's charmingly quirky, poetically political, cartoonish, and both sentimental and serious."

Another Water World disaster? A Gone With the Wind classic?

Australia is not exactly what anyone predicted.

It's Out of Africa meets Gone With the Wind meets Saving Private Ryan meets Baz Luhrmann. As narrated by cute-as-a-kangaroo Aboriginal/English half-caste boy, Nullah.

A three-hour movie mouthful.

The strangest woman Nullah's ever laid eyes on (and the most ageless we've ever seen,…

Review: Milk Might Just Be the Best Movie of the Year

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 09:37:00 PST

"At the moment, it's my favorite movie of the year."

Milk, for those of you not yet in the know, is a biopic about Harvey Milk, who was the first openly gay man elected to major public office in the United States as well as an outspoken human rights advocate. Some call him "the gay Martin Luther King Jr." The two men shared something else besides their passion for equality -- they were both were assassinated in the prime of their influence.

I live in California at the moment,…

Review: Let the Right One In -- A Moody Vampire Romance

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 13:07:00 PST

"It's an odd, bewitchingly beautiful nightmare with tenderness and terror."

I've never been to Sweden in winter, or in any season for that matter. I had, however, planned to visit some day. At the moment, though, I'm not so sure. If Let the Right One In is any indication of what to expect, I think I might spend Christmas somewhere else.

From the opening credits -- isolated crops of white words and snowflakes silently fading into black nothingness -- to the relentless…

Review: JCVD is Van Damme in Comeback Mode

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 12:38:00 PST

"You want greatness? See JCVD."

You know the man and you know the movies, but you've never seen him like this before. Jean-Claude Van Damme stars in the role he was born to play in JCVD ... as Jean-Claude Van Damme. Through his action movies of the '80s and '90s, his body of work has lead up to this: playing a washed-up movie star with serious personal and financial problems. But don't start shedding a tear for the man just yet, as this take on Van Damme is done with a touch…

Review: Twilight Movie Made For the Fans Alone

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 04:41:00 PST

"Without the supplemental material from the book, this film feels very silly."

The concepts presented by Twilight, both the movie and the book, are eternal. That dynamic first love, obsession, jealousy, possessiveness, vulnerability, and an unwavering mutual attraction: these are the components that elevate Twilight, though, of course, it shares them with a few-hundred years of literary tradition. Unfortunately, Twilight the film offers very little in the way of great…