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Help, Doctor! My Songs Are Too Sensitive!

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Drippy, heartstring-tugging hit doctor shows go together with drippy, heartstring-tugging rock like cholesterol and heart attacks. Would Meredith Grey's monologue montages be the same without a little Snow Patrol? Would anyone buy Zach Braff as a doctor (let alone John Stamos) without the earnest strains of the Fray to set the tone? Doubtful. And since they've done so much for fake doctors, we thought it would be nice for a fake doctor to give something back. That's why we tapped our very own Dr. Manly to help the following troubled troubadours rediscover their X-chromosomes.Related Features:Rock Star Recipes with Adele & Company2008: The Year In Rock The FrayThe title makes it a no brainer: the Fray's "How to Save a Life" tops the Braff-Grey Index of Fey. Grey's Anatomy and Scrubs viewers have each gotten misty-eyed to those soft piano tinkles and heartbreaking lyrics, which are representative of a catalog so sensitive you could bruise it with an eyelash.Dr. Manly prescribes: immediate application of Axe "Dark Temptation" Body Spray and fifteen (15) cans of Coors Light, administered at Shenanigans Bikini Bar outpatient facility, Pontiac, Michigan.Related Features:Rock Star Recipes with Adele & Company2008: The Year In Rock Snow PatrolJudging from its popularity in the hallways of Seattle Grace Hospital, "Chasing Cars" must cure cancer. And "Chocolate" is up there with cable-knit sweaters and dopey grins on the grocery list of items you'll find in any Zach Braff movie.Dr. Manly prescribes: that the band stop chasing cars and get under the hood of a real one, preferably a chopped 1968 Coronet R/T Super Bee Dart GTS with free-revving 340-cid V-8; 68 oz. of "beer can" turducken; Gas-X.Related Features:Music's Worst Plastic SurgeriesGods of Guyliner ColdplayJudging from the songs they write, we suspect Coldplay may be moonlighting as doctors themselves. "Death and All His Friends" and "Everything's Not Lost" are for the grievers, "Fix You" is for the broken and battered and "Viva la Vida" is for the manic depressed. No wonder they're so sensitive; all this caring for others is killing their manhood.Dr. Manly prescribes: arm-wrestling with 263 lb. pipefitter Frank "the Bird" Cusumano; three year subscription to Leg Show magazine; straight razor shave once daily.Related Features:Rock's Lustful MusesThe Best Freakin' Albums Of 2008 James BluntJames Blunt is undeniably a bit of a softy -- we've lost count of the number of times he sings the word "beautiful." His tracks always seem to make the TV surgeons drop their scalpels as they stare into each other's eyes -- and that's never good for the patients.Dr. Manly prescribes: daily administration of maltodextrin weightgainer coupled with no exercise; daily curbside pick-up of newspaper wearing stripped tube socks, BVD briefs, open robe.Related Features:The Most Depressing Albums of All TimeGlamour Babes David GrayDavid Gray's "Slow Motion" has been a favorite on ER, which is kind of ironic considering they're in an emergency room where "slow" is the last thing you want to hear. The Welshman gets gushy about snowflakes and long-lost loves, and that makes everyone get gushy, and well, nothing gets accomplished.Dr. Manly prescribes: .35pH nicotine from oral administration of Kodiak Wintergreen five times daily, discharged into empty 2L Dr. Pepper bottle; weekend poker game; Elmore's Flamethrower hot wings.Related Features:Music's Alter EgosRock Star Recipes: Holiday Edition LifehouseAnother Grey's Anatomy favorite is Lifehouse's "Broken." Those docs are just breaking hearts left and right and it seems to be contagious, because we've never heard such sad puppy dog lyrics: "I'm falling apart/ I'm barely breathing/ With a broken heart." Geez, even their lungs are sensitive!Dr. Manly prescribes: inhaling: two (2) packs unfiltered Camel straights daily, fumes from a local motocross speedway; exhaling: Viagra jokes.Related Features:Pop StarletsNational Treasures Jason MrazMr. A-Z's track "Plane" has made an appearance on House and though he may sound as neurotic and apathetic as Dr. House when he sings "If the plane goes down, damn," he's still pretty hypersensitive about that chick he's crooning about.Dr. Manly prescribes: in-depth study of PAC 10 Conference football season; obsession with hardwood pellet grilling; powerboats.Related Features:Rock Star Recipes with Adele & Company2008: The Year In Rock Ray LaMontagneRay LaMontagne is no stranger to providing just the right weepy song for just the right weepy life and death moment. The Grey's Anatomy-featured "Winter Birds" is so mellifluous it forces even the manliest of men to use the word "pretty," and that's no good for anyone's testosterone count.Dr. Manly prescribes: road rage.Related Features:Legends of the FallCelebrity Re-Gifting Five For FightingFive For Fighting's "Easy Tonight" has that big schmaltzy chorus that helps the PhD's of Scrubs get through those tough doctor duties. Combine this with the fey pianos of "100 Years" and "Superman (It's Not Easy)," then sit back and enjoy the irony of a guy who's clearly never even fought a cold in his life naming his band after a hockey penalty.Dr. Manly prescribes: keeping one hand tucked into waist band of pants while in a seated position; discussion of jailbait; Ibanez guitar with dual humbucker pick-ups.Related Features:Music's Knockout HottiesHotties in Concert Amos LeeAmos Lee is another regular on the doctor show rounds, particularly with "Colors," in which he shows off quite the choirboy falsetto. Most girls couldn't get near that octave.Dr. Manly prescribes: attempted home electrical repair; early Megadeth records; entrance in a chili cook-off.Related Features:R&B HeartbreakersDashing Dames