It's getting ugly out there. In the final hours before the bleakest Christmas in decades, the retailers are getting desperate, hoping you're going to suddenly crash the malls with, I dunno, some cash you suddenly discovered under the mattress or something.

Don't do it. Stay home and watch some movies that remind us that Pavlovian consumerism is not a path to happiness.

Dawn of the Dead
2004? 1978? Either one. Zombies at the mall? And this is satire how?

THX-1138
Robert Duvall's dystopian drone buys a box of white, only to drop it in the recycling bin on the way home. It's not that he needs the box of white. It's that if he didn't buy it, all the box-of-white manufacturers would go out of business. Sound familiar?

Idiocracy
"Welcome to Costco, I love you." This is what happens when mindless consumerism turns into religion.

Wall-E
Or maybe this is what happens: a planet is buried under our cast-off crap.

They Live
If only it really were aliens brainwashing us into keeping up with the Joneses. Cuz then Roddy Piper could just kick their asses and everything would get better.

Fight Club
You are not your effin' khakis.

American Beauty
Remember how Annette Bening didn't want to get it on with Kevin Spacey on the sofa because it was covered with Italian silk or something? That's just sad. Yeah, he dealt with his midlife crisis by buying something -- that classic car -- but I bet he would have been happy to use the backseat for its traditional secondary use.

The Matrix
If only it really were The Machines brainwashing us into sleepwalking through life. Cuz then Keanu Reeves could just kick their asses and everything would get better.

What Would Jesus Buy?
Not so much, probably. Maybe some new sandals. Not that you'd know that from the commercialized nightmare Christmas is today, as this snarky-but-serious documentary highlights.

You Can't Take It With You
Ah, now this is the movie to watch for a reminder that it's not the stuff in your life but the life in your life that makes it fun, rewarding, and worth living. In this 1938 classic from Frank Capra (which is way better than that other Capra movie everyone else but me loves at this time of year), Lionel Barrymore is the patriarch of a family that's dropped out of the rat race to follow their dreams.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
MaryAnn Johanson, a mocking wench (email me)

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