10:00 p.m.: Arrive on scene at local books/movie/music chain retailer and assess the situation. There are well over 100 people in attendance, from Twi-tweens to Twi-moms. I make note of the emergency exits, just in case.

10:02 p.m.: A girl named "Amy" is announced as the winner of a door prize. When Amy can't be found, crowd starts singing Britney Spears' new single "If U Seek Amy." Guess all Twi-hards aren't all that emo after all.

10:04 p.m.: Make note of Twilight-inspired drink specials in café. There's a strawberry smoothie that's supposed to look like blood (it doesn't), and a werewolf coffee creation. They even have a Chief Charlie Swan cookie. Awesome!

10:05 p.m.: There's a man in the café working on a calculator, possibly doing his taxes. He's apparently oblivious as to why the store is even still open. Get the feeling he probably wouldn't notice if we got attacked by real vampires.

10:08 p.m.: Twilight trivia game begins. First question: "Who kissed Bella on the cheek in the cafeteria?" Someone yells out "Rorschach!" Ha!

10:09 p.m.: What's the prize for correctly answering a trivia question? Being pelted in the head with a piece of chocolate.

10:10 pm.: Melee nearly breaks out when the trivia game MC accidentally says "Edward" in a question when she means "Carlisle." MC regains control of angry mob by throwing more chocolates.

10:13 p.m.: Catch glimpse of a woman taking a picture of a man pretending to bite another woman's neck.

10:18 p.m.: Possible sighting of American Idol finalist Allison Iraheta. Want to approach her and tell her how bogus it was that she was in the bottom three this week, but decide it's probably not her.

10:20 p.m.: New game has started where the MC reads a quote from Twilight and the crowd must shout the name of the character who said it.

10:21 p.m.: These Twilight quotes sound hilarious being read aloud by someone with a Long Island accent. It sounds like if Janice from Friends performed the movie as a one-woman show.

10:22 p.m.: First scuffle of the night between Team Edward and Team Jacob breaks out during quote game. Each team tries to scream their hero's name louder than the other. Team Edward wins.

10:23 p.m.: When the correct answer to a question is "Alice," everyone screams her name even louder. Does she have a team now, too?

10:29 p.m.: Store employee bores crowd by discussing other items on sale in the store. Again, he resorts to chocolate-pelting to hold their attention.

10:30 p.m.: Games have ended. There's nothing to do now but wait until midnight when the DVD will officially go on sale. I peruse the store, hoping the long wait will force these kids to begin checking out other books.

10:35 p.m.: Am disheartened to realize most of the kids are just clustering in aisles, ignoring the books and continuing to discuss Twilight.

10:36 p.m.: As I pass the "Travel" section, I overhear a young man ask his female companions, "What would you do if you met Edward and he thought you were ugly?" His question is met with dead silence.

10:42 p.m.: I hide out for a while in the "Writing Instruction" aisle, skimming a book called Writing and Selling the YA Novel, hoping to learn just what Stephenie Meyer did to cause all of this.

10:58 p.m.: Begin to wonder how the youngest of the Twi-hards still have so much energy at this late hour. Overhear one little girl tell her friends, "I just ate a whole packet of sugar."

11:10 p.m.: Several unauthorized games of catch have broken out involving store merchandise. This can't end well, but the store kind of asked for it by having such a long lull between activities.

11:11 p.m.: The first rack of CDs was knocked over while I was still writing that sentence.

11:23 p.m.: Begin to entertain myself by thinking back to the funny parts of I Love You, Man, which I saw before coming here. Good movie. Wonder what Paul Rudd would look like as a vampire.

11:25 p.m.: Decide Jason Segel would make an excellent werewolf. He's got the size, and his work in Forgetting Sarah Marshall proves he'd be cool with the whole bursting out of your clothes thing.

11:32 p.m.: Start to get hungry. Regret hanging back from crowd when chocolates were being thrown.

11:37 p.m.: Notice teenage girl get starry-eyed when she meets a pack of roving boys who profess to be Twilight fans. I'm not buying it. They're so just here to pick up chicks.

11:40 p.m.: Overhear one girl say she can't wait to see Robert Pattinson's next film, Little Ashes, in which he plays "some real person." That real person would be artist Salvador Dali, in case anyone's interested.

11:43 p.m.: Another unauthorized ball game takes down a rack of Australia DVDs. Seriously, hasn't this movie already taken enough hits?

11:50 p.m.: People finally begin to line up in order of the numbered tickets that were handed out.

11:54 p.m.: Squealing and picture taking occur as the DVDs are rolled out from the back. Manager warns crowd, "Beware of our security guard. He has a Nerf gun and he's not afraid to use it."

12:00 a.m.: The sale begins! But there are well over one hundred people here. Are there enough copies?

12:03 a.m.: Expletives are omitted by a man who wants to buy a book, but isn't allowed on line for the cash register because he doesn't have a Twilight ticket.

12:28 a.m.: Crowd finally begins to thin out as ticket holders 100-120 are invited to line up.

12:33 a.m.: Satisfied that everyone will get a copy, and there won't be any Twilight-related riots to report on, I decide to leave.

1:00 a.m.: Go to sleep, and dream about when I'll eventually get to do all this again for New Moon.

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