In the wake of Eli Roth's Hostel in 2006, the horror genre has seen its share of "torture porn"-style flicks. But as fast as these films became popular (excluding the Saw series) they became extinct, and for good reason: watching young, attractive people tortured and mutilated for 90 minutes simply isn't all that entertaining. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like the makers of Train realize this.

Train, originally conceived as a loosely-based remake of the 1980s slasher film Terror Train, is a "torture porn"-style horror film with paper thin characters, no tension, no suspense, and no real mystery. More similar to Hostel, the film centers on a small group of college athletes traveling through Europe for a wrestling tournament. When they miss their scheduled train to their next match, an attractive blond invites them on another train headed in the same direction. Along with their coaches, the wrestlers soon discover that the train is really a front for harvesting organs from unsuspecting American tourists.

For the most part, Train is just as torturous and unpleasant to watch as it is for the people in it to live through. There are a few positives, however, including a ton of decent blood and gore effects, of which you get a nasty taste during the opening sequence, and a unique setting (the train). The opening party scene even offers some much welcomed gratuitous nudity. Train is also a well-made film, with interesting camera angles and the "look" of a big-budget Hollywood movie. However, that's where the positive praise for this train ends, as everything else crashed and burned, leaving the audience the chore of sitting through the wreckage.

Looking past the played-out premise of torture and organ trafficking, some fundamental logistics just didn't add up, beginning with the characters. They're in Europe because of their wrestling skills -- skills they straight-up forget when it comes to fighting off their attackers. Instead of offering up some hand-to-hand defenses, they simply scream and run away as if they're regular college-age tourists, begging the question: what was the point of having them be wrestlers in the first place?

The cast, including the oddly placed Thora Birch, was adequate if not a little too under dramatic. They somehow underplayed the terror so much that a little more intensity given to their horrifying situation would have been welcomed. The main villain, known as "the butcher," was a massive bulk of a scary dude, but wasn't given much to do besides butcher and look scary.

The DVD has a single "Behind the Scenes" special feature filled with extreme close-ups of the actors during on-set interviews, each one bragging about how horrifying and scary Train is, and how any fan of the genre will love it. They obviously had no idea what they were talking about.

There's some talent behind the camera, but what was produced was a gore-filled romp into the over-played "torture porn" sub-genre of horror that wore its welcome out three years ago. If you've seen Hostel then you've pretty much seen Train, minus the fun characters, interesting setup, and surprising payoff. There's nothing fun, interesting, or surprising about Train in the least. The violence is done for violence sake without any suspense or thrills, and it's so blandly put together that not a single solid scare is felt throughout. Even gorehounds won't care enough to last the entire 90 minutes. If you're into the torture/organ trafficking genre, rewatch Hostel (or even Turistas) and call it a day. Don't waste your time, effort, or money jumping on board this Train.

Ammon Gilbert covers the latest in horror weekly for Film.com.

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