Editor’s Note: When I released my “Five Worst Films of 2009,” C. Robert Cargill took it as a personal challenge. “You WANT a bad Movie? I’ll show you a bad movie!” And thus, here’s part two of the most awful films of the year, C. Robert Cargill style.

If there’s anything I take more seriously than my top 10 list, it is preparing for my Worst of the Year list. At the end of every year, about this time, I sit down and watch the very worst movies of the year that I somehow missed. From that — along with the movies I’d seen over the year — I cull the mediocre from the terrible and distill it down to the very worst possible films imagined by Hollywood. Here, in my opinion, are this year’s worst.

Post Grad. Ouch. This Alexis Bledel vehicle crashed and burned almost immediately after pulling out of the driveway. The opening is solid and appears to be headed in the right direction. Alexis plays a girl who had her whole life planned out, graduates college, has an impressive resume and a rehearsed speech … only to learn she’s just like every other girl applying for the same job, with nothing special to distinguish her. She was an achiever without a personality. At this point, the film could have gone on to be a Lost in Translation-like film about self-discovery and finding your own way in the world. Instead it is 90 minutes of jokes about a girl who mysteriously becomes completely inept and blunders around until everything magically works out for her. Entirely unwatchable.

Miss March. I want you to think about everything you’ve ever seen done wrong in a teen sex comedy. Now I want you to think about everything you’ve ever seen done wrong in a buddy road comedy. Got that? Now, imagine a movie with all of those terrible things, punctuated by explosive diarrhea. THAT is Miss March. Made by The Whitest Kids U’ Know, this may well prove to be their last foray into film.

Bride Wars. Here’s an idea: Let’s make a film about getting married that has a completely unromantic relationship angle and focuses solely upon the materialistic angle. Then we’ll turn two best friends into raging, bitter, jealous rivals and have them do increasingly horrible things to one another until we allow them to ruin each other’s weddings. That’ll be funny! Won’t it? Umm. No. It wasn’t. Not in the slightest. It might have actually set feminism back 20 years.

Old Dogs. The worst studio-backed film of the year, this film was a downhill race between John Travolta and Robin Williams to see who could run out of dignity first. The loser? Seth Green, who appears alongside them as a cash-strapped young actor making a terrible big-budget movie to pay his mortga… oh wait, those were the special features on the DVD. It was a movie so bad it killed all hope for Wild Hogs 2, which the studio cancelled because of its proximity to this. It didn’t even belong to the same series.

After Last Season. Odds are you haven’t seen this. Odds are you shouldn’t, unless of course you are the type of person who delights in watching terrible, terrible movies. You have to see the trailer to even understand what I’m talking about, but even then you won’t believe that it is a real movie. But it is. Even shot on 35mm, something a lot of mainstream films don’t even do these days. Released in only four cities, this is hands down the worst theatrically released film of the decade — maybe even the modern era.

Tags: bride wars, post grad, worst films of 2009