Dre Rivas,
Jul 08, 2008
When I sat down to consider things I'd like to see the theater industry improve on from a technology standpoint, the usual suspects popped into my head: better sound, better picture, less annoying people.
To keep up with game consoles, DVD, home theater systems and pirate movies (the downloadable ones, not the ones with eye-patched guys who say, "Arr!"), movie theaters are doing more and more to make going to the movies an event. Of course, stadium seating and love seats that semi-recline are popping up everywhere. A Muvico not far from me in Boca Raton has a restaurant and bar in a V.I.P., reserved-seating balcony area. Another Muvico in Davie has a children's center for couples who can't find a babysitter last minute. Valet is free with your "premiere" ticket. And sorry, if you're under 21, no entry in the premiere seating section.
The bar and even the assigned seating is pretty cool, and truth be told there are some movies you should not watch sober. These are nice perks, but maybe not worth paying double the price for. Here's a few more must-haves if movie chains want to survive:
Seat-installed speakers
This would include woofers below your seat. You will feel the earthquake. There will be powerful speakers right by the sides of your ears, speakers strong enough to blow air into the back of your neck when a lion is off-screen right behind you, breathing, ready to attack. Footsteps move from your left ear to right clearer than ever before. If movie theaters are to survive, sound -- just as much as picture -- must be advanced. It must be Disney-attraction level.
Smell-O-Vision
And since we're going to that Disney-attraction level, we might as well throw in some good old fashioned Smell-O-Vision into the mix. I do admit this could backfire for some people, however. Allergic folk would have to avoid Benji at all costs.
IMAX and 3-D
IMAX-sized screens and 3-D are the way of the future, no doubt about it. And I can't wait to see what James Cameron has in store for us when he unleashes Avatar. The spectacle truly is that much greater on the big screen, and anyone who saw Beowulf in 3-D knows the potential of that format. For the life of me I don't get why some people prefer to watch a movie in their living room. Scratch that. I do understand some of it. And that's what the next couple of items are about.
Full-recline chairs (with foot-rest)
I enjoy many of life's ironies -- like why my dog likes hanging her head outside the car window but doesn't enjoy me blowing in her face. So how great would it be for the movie industry if they made seats so comfortable that people fell asleep halfway through their movies? This might be a smart way to go. Bring a higher comfort level to the movie experience. Let's relax and go to the movies ... maybe I'll nap. Really interested patrons can return the following week to see what they missed. Maybe they'll even fall asleep again and have to catch it on DVD. Let's boost those sales!
But again, it's not all about helping the The Man. Full-recline chairs (with foot rests) could save relationships. I'd be less inclined to argue against seeing Sex and the City if I knew I could doze off comfortably for a couple of hours. Americans will pay for anything and that includes nap time.
Seat-installed tasers
Okay, I already went over my thoughts for this one and you can read it right here. I stand by that one.
Cell phone jammers
Yeah, it's illegal. But that's what lobbyists are for. I'm sick and tired of seeing LCD screens light up a darkened movie theater like fireflies. Movie theaters need to get into the cell phone jamming business. If possible, repeat offenders get a virus sent to their iPhones or Blackberries.
Trapdoors
Sick and tired of that one guy getting up to go to the bathroom a million times? With the push of a button, a trap door opens like the one Veruca Salt fell through in Willy Wonka. Where do they go? You don't know. You have other things to worry about. Like who is this Keyser Soze? Note: Trapdoors are for patrons three-years-old or older only. We're not animals here.
