The Five Worst Ideas of 2007

 
Movie poster for Dimension Films' "Grindhouse"
Dimension Films

Hollywood has never come up short in the field of bad ideas. And here we are again. It's nearly 2008 and mistakes are born, fed, forgotten and repeated.

Here's looking back at the worst five blunders in the year that was:

1. G.I. Joe greenlighted with Stephen Sommers directing
As a lifelong fan of G.I. Joe (unwrapping the Tetradrome for Christmas remains an all-time holiday highlight) and as an avid hater of Van Helsing, I find this project deeply disturbing. I've been discussing the prospects of this film with my therapist at great length and I don't even have a therapist. That's how troubled I am about the whole thing.

2. Grindhouse being split up on DVD
Yes, I'm still bitter as a grapefruit. Splitting up Planet Terror and Death Proof on two different DVD discs reeked of greed if you ask me. And then you remove the fan-favorite mock trailers from both discs so you can win back all the money you lost on the film's theater run? This was one of my favorite movie experiences this year, but you can bet I didn't even think about picking up these flicks. I'll be waiting for the special edition cheapskates' DVD release in '08.

3. Lions for Lambs as the first UA release under Tom Cruise's regime
This movie was bad news bears from the beginning. Tom Cruise is usually pretty sharp in his decision-making prowess but this was a huge gaffe. Cruise's first United Artists release needed to be a sure thing. You know, start things off with a bang or at least on the right foot. Cruise's popularity took a major hit these last few years. He had to be somewhat aware of this when Mission: Impossible III, a superior summer sequel, disappointed. Either that or he was just straight kidding himself.

I love Robert Redford, but he's like 800 years old. He might be older than Yoda, I don't know. But more kiddies know who Yoda is than they do Redford, I promise you that. Meryl Streep is the best actress alive. So what? In the world of box office bottom-line, her Oscars mean about as much as my ulcer (if I had one).

This is a talky movie. Fascinating? Perhaps. Thought-provoking? Perhaps. Well-acted? Sure. But none of this screams box office power. And I'm sure Cruise and company had to know there were approximately three million movies in the pipeline dealing with the Middle East. If Cruise wanted to make Lions for Lambs with Redford and Streep, more power to him. But if you're in his position, you have to establish yourself. You have to kick a little ass first; show people who's still the boss and who's taking names. This miscue just makes Cruise, a guy who I think gets a worse rap than he deserves, look even more vulnerable.

4. Releasing Norbit during Eddie Murphy's Oscar buzz peak
Remember all the fun -- if short-lived -- Oscar chatter for Eddie Murphy last February? Suddenly, before you could say Big Momma's House, the Academy's love affair with the idea of giving Murphy an Oscar went into the tank. Every dollar that went to Norbit was just another reminder to the Academy, "Wait a minute ... this guy also made Norbit." They flat-out didn't want it on their conscience. It was like some sick Roberto Benigni acid flashback for the voters and they just weren't having it.

5. Naming Mark Wahlberg's character in Shooter Bobby Lee Swagger
I couldn't decide whether or not this was one of the best ideas of 2007 or one of the worst. Either way, it was probably the most under-reported story of the year. In the great pantheon of bad movie names, especially bad movie names that sound like bad porn (if there is such a thing) movie names, this beauty should have a place in the hall of fame section. I'm talking first ballet stuff. This had to be some kind of Boogie Nights nod, right? And doesn't it sound like a role written for Patrick Swayze circa Roadhouse? Wasn't Swayze's name in The Outsiders Bobby Lee Swagger? Was it in Next of Kin? Somebody get on top of this!

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Dre writes three times a week for Film.com. His worst ideas of 2007 cannot be printed here. Email him!

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