To Shia or Not to Shia? Should Transformers 2 Have the Humans?

So it appears the Transformers sequel is already under way. I'm not one of the scrooges who are rolling their eyes and pursing their lips at this. I enjoyed Transformers -- to a certain extent -- for what it is (crap, but fun crap). I'm sure the action will be even more stupendous, even more giant, the scope of the film bigger. Maybe we even catch a glimpse of Cybertron this time.

But will Michael Bay and company learn from their mistakes? Will they continue to bog us down with more unnecessary human subplots we really don't care about? Do they realize the unnecessary military points of view could be excised from the film completely? The film's running time could have been cut down to an hour and a half. For the sequel, they could actually increase their box office totals with more screenings per day. After all, we're there to watch Optimus Prime and Megatron. We could care less about a 20-year-old Aussie hottie who can hack into the Pentagon with only a handy Anthony Anderson at her side. We don't need cheap laughs about the masturbatory habits of one Shia Saide LaBeouf.

Now I understand you need some sense of human element and I'm down with the Shia. He half-saved the first movie anyway. Nor am I adverse to a return of the sultry Megan Fox. But leave the drama for yo mama. See, I know what you're thinking of doing, Bay. You're going to cook up some obnoxious love triangle for the next movie. Shia is going to get jealous; he and Fox will pout and shout, but in the end they will discover they are the only ones for each other. Please leave these thoughts in the dark, soulless pit you found them in.

Instead, focus your efforts at adding more back-story and character to the Autobots and Decepticons. I want to know about them, not the Homo sapiens. There are hundreds and hundreds of movies about Homo sapiens every year. But how many movies do we get about giant robots from outer space? You've already set up Starscream's potential rise to power now that Megatron is supposedly out of the picture. Naturally, Megatron will come back and put Starscream back in his place. I want to see that dynamic.

There's a starting point. But don't forget, your job is to just give us giant robot action. That's all. Giant robot action. Don't even try to make us laugh. In fact, try to make us laugh less. It's funnier that way, trust me.

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Dre writes three times a week for Film.com. E-mail him!

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