This is a film that would have been much better off if they'd bothered to throw some jokes in. You know, things that make you go "ha." Something to make you smirk. Anything to relieve the awesome boredom that 90 minutes of Drillbit Taylor inflicts upon an audience. Wait. Hold Up. Is it still March? Ah. Now I understand the problem.

You see, Hollywood hates us these first few months of the year. Perhaps it's to prime us for summer, or maybe it's because there is a finite number of good ideas in the world. Whatever the case, I've seen around six good movies this year. For those following along at home I'll list them off, as a cautionary tale for anyone hoping to see something entertaining this weekend.

In Bruges (review)
The Bank Job (review)
Step Up to the Streets (review)
Semi-Pro* (review)
We Are Wizards (review)
Rambo (review)

*Note: Semi-Pro was disliked by both my boss and my brother ... both of whom are named Mike. Could be a Mike thing. Dre liked it at least.

Now, as I mentioned before, Drillbit Taylor isn't funny. It could be considered cute in some circles. At heart it's a little kid's comedy. Drillbit (Owen Wilson) is a homeless fellow in what I believe is Los Angeles. Three kids are being bullied at school. Hilariously their group is comprised of a skinny kid, a fat kid and a small kid. The small kid is referenced as a "hobbit" because he's small. Get it? The fat kid enjoys rapping. Actually anything resembling comedy in this movie comes from this kid, so let's not bag on him too hard. The skinny kid's main job seems to be looking scared. He's okay at that. Anyhow, the kids are being bullied at school and they seek to outsource their protection. All of the non-homeless bodyguard types are too pricey so they turn to Drillbit. And away we go!

The usual tomfoolery goes down. Drillbit is scamming the kids for money because he's a homeless dude. But somewhere Drillbit starts actually caring for them. So he trains them. Montages ensue. Drillbit poses as a substitute teacher. He falls in love! Really, by this point you'll be begging for anything to happen -- up to and including the projector catching fire.

This is just a boring-ass movie. Like Superbad if it lost the jokes but ratcheted up the sentiment. I wrote down "zzzzzzzzzzzzzz" in my notebook if that gives you some idea. It has a bad edit or two, and it follows one plotline for no apparent gain. I suppose twelve year olds might dig it. Those of us that have been to the promised land of real comedy should just give this a giant pass.

Grade: D

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