Once again, it's a weekend battle of head-to-head stars. Sometimes my boss is just in a weird mood. Other times, the offerings for the weekend are so weak (because on Easter weekend you get out of the way of the animated juggernaut –-- in this case Horton Hears a Who!) Either way, I end up with a weird assignment. Like this one. In this corner, we have the star of Drillbit Taylor, recent tabloid favorite Owen Wilson. And in this corner, we have his little brother, Luke, who is not in anything this weekend –- which is possibly a side effect of having recently starred opposite Jessica Simpson in the notorious Blonde Ambition. You know the rules. Let's drop the cage. Two men enter! One man leaves!

In the box office this weekend: Winner = Horton
Come on, a little honesty never hurt. Drillbit Taylor is gonna get creamed.

In the critical arena: Winner = Luke
Owen is the box-office favorite, a proud member of the Frat Pack who stars in goofball comedies with his buddies Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, and Vince Vaughn. He also co-wrote and starred in three of Wes Anderson’s art crowd/hipster films. And yet, Luke is always the one who is considered the more serious actor. Ask any critic, "Who’s the more talented?" Nine times out of 10 you’ll hear Luke. But just look at Luke’s history versus his brother's history. Owen, by far, has the best and most impacting filmography. But all the critics tend to remember when they think of him is Zoolander, Starsky and Hutch, Behind Enemy Lines and soon, it will be Drillbit Taylor.

In their careers: Winner = Owen
For all the reasons I just mentioned. Blockbuster comedies plus indie cred equals great career. Luke is incredibly talented, but always ends up in bad films, good films that fail, or his brother's good films.

In a fight: Winner = Owen
While I’m not entirely certain who would win, Owen can take more blows to the face and still maintain a career. I’m not sure how many shots his pretty-boy brother could endure before calling it quits. That puts Owen a nose ahead.

Winner = Owen
He’s got the weekend, the better career, and the nose. Luke can keep the critic cred.

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C. Robert Cargill - - - Email Me

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