With the giant lull in entertainment news -- what with the strike preventing new projects from selling, the Golden Gobes being canceled, and the general lack of releases in the beginning of January -- some reporters have grown desperate for news. And that means, either through poor reporting or sheer chutzpah, posting entirely made-up stories about Cloverfield. Whether fake pictures of the monster, phony storyline excerpts or rumors about the "Slusho" connection, these bunk (and often later debunked) stories have been garnering a lot of attention. Well, far be it from us at Film.com to buck such a sweeping trend.

Here are five completely unsubstantiated, entirely made-up rumors and lies about Cloverfield for you to confuse the establishment with:

1.) Man in Suit!
Why haven't they shown us the monster? Because with such a low budget, they couldn't afford one. But rather than listening to whining fanboys proclaiming that they were cheated, footage has been inserted of a man in a monster suit stomping on a cardboard New York City. Who's the man in the suit? Why, it's none other than J.J. Abrams.

2.) Surprise cameos!
What's a big, quirky movie without big quirky cameos? Christopher "walk-on" Walken will show up just to be weird. Danny DeVito will play a comical cab driver. And Internet superstar Harry Knowles appears as a passerby who points to the sky, screaming out the movies tagline, "MAN IN SUIT! MAN IN SUIT! MAN IN SUIT!!!!"

3.) No writer or director!
Rather than going to the expense of actually hiring a director, the film was entirely put together by J.J. Abrams, who, while rubbing a powerful wishing stone (the same wishing stone that allowed him to turn Gilligan's Island into a successful four-season science-fiction TV show), conjured the movie entirely from the stuff of dreams. Matt Reeves, who is credited with directing it, and Drew Goddard, who is credited with writing it, are actually the names of Abrams' two adorable golden retrievers.

4.) "Slusho" is the culprit!
In a twist stolen from the 1980's arcade classic RAMPAGE, the monster is actually a man transformed into a ravenous beast by drinking a Slurpee tainted with toxic waste. As the chaos ensues, more people are driven to find comfort food in their time of need, and they turn to their local convenience store – and to more tainted "Slushos!" Meanwhile, the company is trying desperately to cover up this catastrophe and simply blames the destruction on irate Red Sox fans.

5.) Four of these five lies are actually false!
One, believe it or not, is 100% true. Enjoy figuring out which one it is.

C. Robert Cargill - - - Email Me
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Austin-based Cargill, who not only loves but owns The Cutting Edge, writes on movies and DVD five times a week.

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