Big Hitter: Monday Quick Hits

What I'm Seeing This Week
They are screening W. on Tuesday. I've seen a few Oliver Stone interviews on the subject and it's already hard to know what to make of it. Are the trailers a false read? Stone keeps saying it's even-handed, but can we take that seriously? Heck, is that what people even want?

Wednesday is Max Payne and possibly Synechdoche, New York. Depends how the day goes. Sometimes they don't let me leave my desk. Thursday is Madagascar 2, a movie that's getting nothing but good buzz. Gotta be excited about that one.

What I Saw Last Week
I've already reviewed Body of Lies, so I won't get into it -- though it was sad to see it fail so hard this weekend. I also completed the first season of Dexter ... hell of a show, but very creepy. I've really enjoyed Jennifer Carpenter's work on the series; she was in this weekend's Quarantine too. There's something oddly captivating about her awkwardness.

I also saw the worst episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia they've ever done. It involved a ludicrous amount of poop jokes. I'll say no more.

Press Releases of Note
Somehow the genius new poster for Zack and Miri Make a Porno escaped me, so I'll make it up to you now.

Next up, Rogue Pictures released a few photos from The Unborn. They are of note for a couple of reasons: 1) Cam Gigandet is in the movie; 2) The girl, Odette Yustman, looks exactly like Jennifer Connelly.

Nice! I'm glad we've finally broken the "male nipple" barrier in the column. That's a win for everyone.

This Week's Podcast Topics
Three Ways to Spice up The Academy Awards
Tim Burton and Pirates 4 Rumors
Gossip Roundup
3-D Technology and You!
Box Office Dartboard

Today's Movie Stories on the Internets
Tim Robbins is getting a star on the walk of fame, but I've already gone over how silly the walk of fame is. So maybe just click the second link.

Smashing Magazine put together a showcase of its take on 50 beautiful movie posters. They definitely skew toward the newer, but a few of the Film.com top ten make the cut.

Best Non-Movie Story of the Week Not by Me
Ace of Base is coming back! Wowsers. That's big news.

Deep Thought of the Week
I started my personal TiVo journey around four years ago. I purchased the TiVo brand TiVo (as opposed to the thing we all call TiVo but is in fact just a generic DVR) and was extremely happy with it. Again, this was four years ago, and the technology was excellent. You could fast-forward commercials in 30-second increments, which is very handy because most commercial blocks are two to three minutes. It was also very responsive -- when you hit play, or pause, or rewind it actually did so. Innovative.

Anyway, I've moved since then and somehow was forced into the Comcast DVR. What a pile of crap this thing is. The fast-forward button can be engaged at x1, x2, x3, or x4. Let me explain what each of those speeds mean:

x1 Comcast DVR Speed = Like watching commercials, but without sound.
x2 Comcast DVR Speed = You can still see each commercial, which is handy because I was trying to skip them.
x3 Comcast DVR Speed = Warp speed. If you engage this speed you join the show you were watching about halfway through.
x4 Comcast DVR Speed = The planet actually spins faster on its axis after you hit this button, and you wake up passed out on the floor days later. In other news, we never use this speed.

Occasionally, the Comcast DVR "sticks" on a command too. If you hit FF2 it only comes out of FF2 after a noticeable lag. Sometimes it batches commands: if you hit Pause (and nothing happens) then you hit FF1 (and nothing happens) and then you hit Play (and nothing happens), it will then do everything you asked it do to at once, eventually ending in a wild meltdown of the system. Then you throw the controller and give up.

My point here is this (and yes, I've gone a long way to make this point): The Comcast DVR, four years after the original TiVo, is around 10% as effective. We've gone backwards. And then I ask myself, why would this be? Could it be that the advertisers want the worst possible DVR on the market? Or is Comcast just happy to put out terrible technology and collect the checks?

Whatever the case, whoever made this lemon should be ashamed. I get that my skipping commercials isn't helpful to your bottom line -- but just sell me an actual lemon next time. At least then I'll have a garnish.

Early Box Office Take
It's hard to say anymore. Max Payne should win, and W. should make bank, but we're talking about a box office where a Chihuahua has won two weekends in a row. Clearly logic has no place in this mess.

Videos For You
I'm sure I've posted it before, but I'd like you to enjoy Placebo's version of "Running Up That Hill." I think Monday counts as a metaphorical hill, don't you? See you tomorrow with more hard-hitting analysis!

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