Christine Champ,
Oct 15, 2008
With another Academy Awards just around the bend, it's the perfect time to brainstorm ways to breathe new life (and suspense) into a sometimes dull spectacle of insincere speeches and un-witty witty banter.
1. Old Awards & New Accolades
Give fresh shine to an old ceremony with a spiffy new award category. This could be a permanent amendment or a revolving accolade that's annually selected by audiences.
Might I suggest...
Best Butt Double (or another award-worthy flesh fill-in)
Best Gender-Bending Performance (ex. Blanchett as Dylan, Travolta as a jivin' '60s housewife)
Most Unsexy Sex Scene (ex. Thank You For Smoking - more tedious than titillating kitchen coitus)
Most Memorable Movie Line (ex. "I've abandoned my child!!!" or "Say helloo to my leetle frenn!")
Movie That Most Makes Our Love Lives Seem Unsatisfying (ex. The Notebook)
2. Bring New Meaning to Best Dressed
With all the best- and worst-dressed coverage attendees have to endure, why not lessen the burden by mandating fashion guidelines beforehand? "This year's theme is actors from the 1940s." Or farm animals. (Bjork would have an advantage here.) Or all attire must be made from renewable or recyclable materials, like leaves or gum wrappers. Who wore the vintage Versace trash bag better? Clooney or J-Lo?
3. A Host With the Most Nerve
Who can keep The Academy on its toes and an audience spontaneously giggling? Ricky Gervais, as Oscar host with a gift for innocently (and inappropriately) poking fun. Or, for less cheeky charm and more biting wit that could send big-screen big names running for cover (but still keep crowds barking with laughter), Triumph The Insult Comic Dog. Or, for a cross between the two - Sarah Palin. "Say it ain't so DiCapri-O!"
4. Oscar Goes Viral
The Academy already honors short films, so why not viral video? And the nominees are ... "Wii Fit Girl" ... and "Detective Mittens: The Crime-Solving Cat."
5. Oscar Gets Real
Everyone knows it's tough for aspiring artists to break into the biz. And audiences love mixing unpredictable reality with familiar TV formats. So why not give unknown actors a leg up -- into a vat of sour cream -- with an Oscar challenge that mashes the best reality TV has to offer. Japanese game shows, Dancing With the Stars, American Idol, The Bachelor... Sing, dance, and tricycle over fire ants for a director's love and a prime part in an upcoming production!
6. Academy Awards: The Musical
Then again, forget the novices. Why let all that talent go to waste sitting on its fancy-dressed fanny in a theater seat when it could be on stage entertaining us? Let the experts (or at least the famous) star in a choreographed musical. Strut their stuff in a swimsuit chorus line. Or join their gifted offspring in the spotlight, in a Von Trapp-style singalong with the Jolie-Pitt brood. Imagine Suri and Tom as a vaudeville, tap-dancing duo.
7. Whose Oscar Is It Anyway?
Remember the wacky improv show Whose Line Is It Anyway? Since necessity is the mother of all invention (and inventive genius), why not 'round up a few actors, say Nicholson, Knightley, Stiller and Depp, throw them a topic -- such as "Jack Nicholson looking for love!" some props, say a giant foam cowboy hat, a toilet brush, an oversize lollipop, and let the best actor win an on-the-spot Oscar.
Got some spicy ideas of your own? We'd love to hear 'em!
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