Stallone wants to make another Rambo movie. This is a bad idea. But some bad ideas I’m positively game for, like the fourth entry in this tale of mayhem, Rambo. That was a wonderfully bad idea: bringing back an over-the-hill John Rambo and watch him kill. There are some ideas you hear about, however, that make you flinch on the spot and twitch for a few days after. Rambo V is one of those ideas. Yet the most disturbing development is that I’m not even sure I will be able to resist seeing it. I mean, there’s a lot of things you don’t want to see, but that doesn’t mean the little demon in you won’t make you peak. Here is the synopsis.

John Rambo, along with a team of commandos, will hunt a genetically altered, militarized half-human/half-prehistoric beast that is loose in the wild and out of control.

Sometimes, you just have to stare at something really ugly before you see the beauty behind it. I’ve been staring at that synopsis for a while and I still don’t see the swan. I’m just going to keep staring, though. What other choice do I have? I must submit to the overwhelming power of it.

What is most amusing to me is that the idea originally reported and spread about the Internet was that John Rambo would be fighting some Universal Soldier-like combatants run amok. Sly was nice enough to call AICN’s Harry Knowles to clarify. Rambo fighting super soldiers? Ridiculous! No, no, no, it’s just Rambo fighting a prehistoric half-human beast. Much, much better, Sly, thanks for confirming. I have to say, though, it’s refreshing to see Stallone tap into the Internets these days and getting closer with his audience. Sly seems very much at ease with the people he’s looking to entertain, like he’d be willing to sit down and have a coffee with any over-stimulated Rambo fanatic.

Having said that, there is no way this movie doesn’t turn into a barrel full of unintentional comedy. This reminds me of that horrible Jurassic Park IV idea where the dinosaurs were genetically altered into half-human form and became a team of super soldiers all their own. Hey, wait a minute, what if you we melded the two story lines? Obviously, these are two franchises with nowhere to go but the circus. The original films have been left for dead, so if you’re ditching all traces of integrity why not break for the stuff of legend? You can be awful, or you can be so awful people will be passing stories down to their grandchildren. So let’s talk crossover. If the Three Stooges could meet Hercules, dammit, John Rambo can go mano a mano with a T-Rex.

Who wouldn’t pay to see this? America is founded on people who will throw money down on anything… so long as it’s dolled up as entertainment. Hollywood isn’t going to listen to me and my crazy second-guessing. They have a Rambo versus a mutant half-human, half-prehistoric beast movie to make. Godspeed, John, godspeed.

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Dre is a half-human prehistoric beast who just so happens to write for Film.com weekly. Email him!

Tags: rambo 5, sylvester stallone