You could have heard a pin drop in between a very few funny scenes at the theater where I saw School for Scoundrels this weekend. I’m surprised it made it into the top 5 at the box office. After word gets out this week, I’ll be stunned if it cracks the top 10 next weekend, especially with The Departed and Employee of the Month coming down the pike.

Jon Heder must have really struggled to get into character (note EXTREME sarcasm), as he played yet another variation of Napoleon Dynamite. Billy Bob Thornton is perfectly cast as the unscrupulous Dr. P, but frankly I think he’s above these kinds of roles. We’ve seen what you can do in Sling Blade and A Simple Plan, Billy. You don’t have to do movies like this.

I think what bugged me most about Scoundrels was the typical, sappy, happy ending where, like in all romantic comedies, the good guy gets the girl. But this time, the believability factor is less than zero. Heder’s nerdy character would NEVER win the heart of Jacinda Barrett; no matter how sweet he turned out to be; no matter what a slime ball Billy Bob turned out to be.

The REAL end to this movie? She runs away with Billy Bob to Miami DESPITE learning he’s a scumbag, then dumps HIM a few weeks later.

Look, I know romantic comedies are supposed to be heartwarming tales of love between two unlikely people, but come on. Stop feeding us these patently ridiculous pairings a la David Spade and Sophie Marceau in Lost & Found.

And hopefully, with just a nine-million take in its first weekend (a piddly per-screen earning of about $3,000), Hollywood execs will stop asking Heder to keep reincarnating Napoleon Dynamite. His Waterloo is way overdue.