Christine Champ
Not too long ago Christine traded in her "real job" for an "imaginary" job (as in I imagine I have health insurance), that let her do what she did best full-time: write. Film.com lets her write about ... more
Memorable Movie Mustaches
Christine Champ November 17, 2008
Sneaking a premiere peek at Jude Law garbed as Watson in Guy Ritchie‘s gritty new take on Sherlock Holmes (out November 2009) or Twilight‘s Robert Pattinson doing his best Dali in Little Ashes reminds us of the oft unsung artistes of Hollywood.
I speak of facial hair extraordinaire, the genius above the rest — of the lower part of an actor’s face — the mustache. Thick and bushy, thin and delicate, with or without handlebars … it may not make a sound, but it still has lines, oh yes, and it speaks to its audience loud and clear. In honor of its cinematic contributions, here are a few memorable movie ‘staches of today and yesterday. And a few words from them to their fans:
Jude Law, Sherlock Holmes
I’m not your grannie’s Doctor Watson mustache. I’m a little bit Village People and a little bit cowboy. You should take me as seriously as I take myself.
Robert Pattinson, Little Ashes
Stunned? Have you ever seen anything so magnificent, so surreal, so mesmerizing? A masterpiece. My passion will possess you the way I have possessed the face of Robert Pattinson. See my elegant ebony flourish swooping upwards as it exclaims, “Oh yes! Yes, I will have you, audiences … oh jesss.”
Peter Sellers, Pink Panther
Does this ‘stache bite? No. I am a top secret mustache, very good at hiding things, like my upper leep and zee little piece of cheese I had for lunch and am saving for later. It also hides Sellers’ uglee American accent so he can speak like a Fronch detective.
Clark Gable, Gone With the Wind
Frankly my darling, I don’t give a damn if you prefer an elegant, perfectly manicured moustache or not. But if you don’t succumb to my suave charms right now, tomorrow’s another day …
Casey Affleck, Ocean’s 13
Where am? How did I get here on this puny puss? It seems like only seconds ago I sat below the nose of Joseph Stalin. I am so bold and full, I am bigger than life. Too big even for Casey Affleck’s face.
Burt Reynolds, Smokey and the Bandit
I’m a handsome, well-hung hunk of hair. One that the ladies won’t miss, or soon forget. And I have a sense of humor. Come closer for a tickle. Hee hee …
Sam Elliott, The Big Lebowski
Have you ever seen a lush, virile, salt and peppery beauty like me? Wild yet trimmed. Like the tail on a well-groomed mustang, a genteel rascal. A mustache you might think twice about messing with.
Matt Dillon, There’s Something About Mary
I’m not made of hair. I’m magic marker. This smarmy man scribbled me in. He was going for Errol Flynn charm but ended up with gay maitre d’. Eeeyesss!
Samuel Jackson, Pulp Fiction
Whatchu lookin’ at fool? You better say my awesome bad-ass ‘stache!
Sacha Baron Cohen, Borat
Hello. How you like me? I am Borat’s veery niiice face hair. Sacha Baron Cohen made me heemself. Out of his chest hairs.
Yosemite Sam, Who Framed Roger Rabbit and other Toons
I’m the rootin’ tootin’ pappy of all movie mustaches, dead or alive. Yes siree!
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