1. When Zule Asks if You’re a God, You Say, “Yes.” And If A Dude Asks You If “You’re Cool With The Staples?” You Say, “No.”

It’s one of the toughest scenes in the movie to watch, but seeing poor Mickey Rourke get punched with a staple gun is one of the most memorable things I’ve witnessed in a movie theater this year. I mean, this is clearly a bad idea, am I right? He doesn’t even put up a fight. He just looks confused at the guy. “Staples?” he asks. “Yeah,” the guy responds. “… with a staple gun.” Rourke’s response: “Rock ‘n roll.” Broheim, that is the response for any bad idea.

Hey man, let’s pour gasoline and light ourselves on fire! Rock ‘n roll. Hey, let’s make a movie and cast Madonna! Rock ‘n roll. I’ve got this great script. It’s called Bride Wars. Wanna make it? Rock ‘n roll.

2. Staples Don’t Hurt People, Doctors Hurt People

This is a scene so good it gets a sequel. Because my favorite part of this whole episode is that Rourke’s Randy “The Ram” gave the dude permission to do this to him pre-match. Rourke doesn’t tell him to knock it off in the ring. And yet, and yet he has the gall to tell the doctor — the man in charge to help him with his wounds — backstage to “Take it easy!” when he’s trying to remove the tiny pieces of metal from his chest. This makes sense. To no one.

3. When the Crowd Yells “Use His Leg!” You MUST Use His Leg!

Okay, this is a really good scene. After knocking his foe out of the ring with a barbed-wire-wrapped crutch, Randy “The Ram” follows him into the crowd where some super-fan with a prosthetic leg detaches said leg, hands it over, and pleads with him to batter the guy with it. This is, of course, followed by the entire crowd chanting, “Use his leg! Use his leg!” There’s a frightening moment where you’re afraid “The Ram” might actually be considering whether or not this would be in good taste. Thankfully, that sort of foolishness passes through the night without a moment’s notice. He grabs the leg, batters his enemy with it and holds the leg above his head with both hands as his opponent is half-conscious on the floor. The crowd goes wild before spontaneously combusting. It’s messy, but it’s amazing.

It’s one of the greatest wrestling moments I’ve ever seen, other than the time Elizabeth got Hulk Hogan to come to “Macho Man” Randy Savage’s aid against The Heart Foundation. It was epic, life-changing even. Deep down, I always had a soft spot for bad guy “Macho Man.” If Hogan had his back, that had to mean he really was a good guy after all, right? And I mean, it’s the freaking Heart Foundation. NOBODY could like them, at least not anyone with a soul.

My love affair was short-lived, of course. The “Macho Man,” much like “The Ram,” couldn’t get out of his own way. His jealousy would turn him against Hogan (again, whom he suspected had the hots for Ms. Elizabeth). Poor Randy Savage.

4. Plastic Surgery is Almost Always (Never) The Answer

Darren Aronofsky doesn’t let us see Mickey Rourke’s face for a long time in the movie, shooting him from afar and then from behind in the opening scenes. It’s almost as if he was toying with the idea of never showing Mickey’s face in the movie. Maybe I can get away with this. Maybe this is just what this film needs. I can tie in some artistic bull-crap on why we don’t need to see his face, because we’re ALL him. Yes! Yes!

Come on, Aronofsky, you should have had the courage of your convictions!

One thing about Randy “The Ram”‘s face, though is that it’s impossible not to look at it and wonder how much botched surgery costs these days. I mean you can’t help but stare — and watch and watch and watch. It’s kind of like when you fall into the bear trap of watching a clip of The Two Coreys on YouTube. And then there are all those related videos on the right-hand side and above that more videos from the guy who posted the one you were just watching. And it’s just a motherlode of more The Two Coreys videos … you find yourself right-clicking and opening a new tab on your browser to watch the next video because you don’t want to lose that first page of treasure chests. Then you start comparing the related video section of the new tab to the previous one. The next thing you know, you wake up in a mental institution with two cotton swabs on your temples, hooked up to a machine humming with electroshock therapy goodness.

5. It Doesn’t Matter What You Do, But How You Do It

There are a lot of things in this movie that seem to me like bad ideas: Randy’s hair in this movie is a bad idea; his taste in music is a bad idea; fighting “The Ayatollah” is a bad idea. But all of these things work for him because it’s in the guy’s blood. He carries it well. And look, working behind a deli counter is not for me. The work is fine, but I’m not a big fan of people and if I had to deal with the potato-salad lady in this movie I’d go nuts (kind of like how he does). But there’s a nice little scene where “The Ram” is having a grand ol’ time getting people their meat. And that counts for something. It’s not what you do, but how you do it.

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Dre writes two times a week for Film.com. Email him!

Tags: darren aronofsky, mickey rourke, the wrestler