How to Tell a Teen Wolf from a Wolfman

Christine Champ February 11, 2010

It’s easy to imagine how audiences that have seen the 1985 film Teen Wolf, starring Michael J. Fox, might have trouble distinguishing it from upcoming thriller The Wolfman (out Feb. 12), helmed by Benicio Del Toro (inspired by the 1941 classic The Wolf Man). Both tales of males who must confront their beastly nature.

Hence, drawing from both Teen Wolf and The Wolfman trailer we’ve outlined a few key differences between the two films to help unmuddle any muddled moviegoer minds (using abbreviations for efficiency: WM = Wolfman, TW = Teen Wolf).

How to tell a Teen Wolf from a Wolfman

Transformation: While WM endures a seemingly excruciating, gruesome, tongue-lolling, man-to-wolfman morph that tears his clothes, TW can transform in the second it takes you to stop looking for your pot stash — high-school duds intact, not a hair of were-mane out of place. Just as dorky as before, possibly a little cuddlier, as if your golden retriever evolved into a teenage boy. Driven by a lust for blood, WM can’t remember the man he was, yet TW remains a teen still lusting for big-haired blondes.

Wolf triggers: A full moon brings out WM’s beastly side while sexual excitement, nervousness, anger, or any other over-stimulation triggers TW’s raging were-hormones.

Supernatural skills: TW’s abilities include sniffing out pot, buying beer without an I.D., basketball and bowling prowess, break dancing, and attracting hot girls despite his scrawniness. WM makes women scream (but unfortunately not in a playboy way) and is good at terrifying people and traversing tall buildings to howl at the moon. The trailer doesn’t suggest he’s on any sports teams, but we bet he’d make an unstoppable (and scary) linebacker.

Wolf sidekick: TW has shades-sporting sidekick Stiles, who distributes Teen Wolf tees and emcees games like “eat Jell-O out of this girl’s shirt.” WM has no sidekick and never gets to eat Jell-O.

Celeb status: When ’80s TW publicly wolfs out during a basketball game, not a single scream escapes. Spectators seem more surprised he can dunk than that he resembles an adolescent Sasquatch (big hair was REALLY in). And once they realize he can dunk, he’s a celebrity (though not a single news station interviews him). Victorian society, however, not so accepting. They do scream, and scientists, presumably, strap WM into a chair, dunk him in ice water, and electrocute him. No Victorian groupie embroiders handkerchiefs with his likeness for fans to wear or chants “wolf” like a cheer.

Were-rage: Anger TW and his eyes will glow red, and he’ll growl with the fierceness of a lawnmower or an upset stomach and shred your shirt. Refuse to sell him a keg, and he’ll unleash his deep, threatening Silence of the Lambs serial killer voice. WM? He’ll just give a primal roar, rip out your heart, and move on.

Father figure: TW’s bespectacled, plaid-shirted dad knows what it’s like to be a werewolf — because he is one — and supportively advises his son. WM’s estranged father (Anthony Hopkins), on the other hand, supports him by grinning sinisterly as he informs him he’s done “terrible things” as a beast.

Dating a beast: TW’s Boof worries about claw marks on her blouse. WM’s Gwen hides in the woods fretting about claw marks on her internal organs.

Curse or cool: The downside to TW’s were-heritage? Dog whistles, occasional “yo’ mamma used to steal chickens” smack talk, and fickle followers that prefer the wolf over his human self. Much more of a curse: WM’s being bitten leads to “mortal peril” and villagers preferring him dead rather than alive.

Now You Decide…