A re-working of "Candide" in which fresh-faced Gordie from northern Ontario is let loose on the big city of Toronto. When Gordie discovers his dog, Speedoh, is lost, he calls a phone-in psychic who reveals that the pooch is in Toronto. He heads for the city where he meets an aspiring hooker, Heidi, who is seeking career advice from a couple of faded porn stars whose greatest hit was "Who's Afraid of Vagina Woolf?" He then comes across an addled pot-head, an aging Brit rocker, and a gay guerrilla band that raises money for AIDS research by auctioning him off to a sleazy pimp. However, suddenly rich Heidi rescues him from the dangers of street hustling and reunites him with Speedoh.